Part I:
In which the reader is introduced to our hero.
-----
Prologue
"You come highly recommended K'thon ad-Din (1)", Sultan Farrukh-Zad stated, "all your previous employers have waxed lyrically on your fearless bravery. The stories of your desperate rear-guard actions have even reached our ears in Ghazni- so much so that one might overlook the fact, ahh, that you have lost every battle you have fought".
K'thon ad-Din started to look worried. He'd hoped that finally he'd escaped the attention of his former employers. First there was that business in Scotland- he was convinced that Macbeth was a sure bet to win against Duncan. "Go ahead " he'd said to Macbeth. "Duncan's a sitting duck- take him out".
And IF the Byzantines had turned up then he'd have cleaned up the Normans at Civitate. Then it was a quick flight to Antioch where he ended up in the army of the Mirdassids in Aleppo. One defeat against the Fatamids and then it was on to the Uqaylids in Mosul- 'thanks but no thanks'.
"...apparently the Buyids have put a price on your head after a failed campaign against the Turkmens" interrupted The Sultan's brother Ibrahim. Then it was a bit further east into the service of the Kakuyids' thought K'thon ad-Din.
"I believe you are proverbial for bad luck in Isfahan (2)" continued Ibrahim.
Farruk-Zad leaned forward, "what
my brother is saying, is that we still believe in you. You will be
my Hajib and command a mighty askar. You will defeat many armies
and spread the fame of my name far".
-----
"What did he say K'thon?"
K'thon ad-Din turned to his first companion- Boz Aba was a pagan-Turk and 20-year veteran of countless battles. He also lived under a sentence of death in most Amirates for blasphemy, drunkenness and being an affront to humanity. His own religion seemed to be "the rules don't apply to me."
"We're to take this bunch of rejects and trouble-makers out of Ghazni in the hope I'll get them all killed" replied K'thon ad-Din.
The Hanafi-extremist Rukn ad-Din retorted "...we've been given a holy mission and I for one, will not be shirking my duty". K'thon ad-Din tried to suppress his irritation and failed- "Look, we're supposed to have 5,000 warriors from Ghur. Go count the number of Afghans the Amir really sent us". In the assembly field, barely a tenth of that number had lined up.
Rukn ad-Din stared at K'thon ad-Din's face, and without a flicker towards the Afghans, stated "I count 5,000".
Boz-Aba laughed- "you'll get nowhere with facts with this one K'thon, if the Caliph decreed night was day, Rukn ad-Din be stumbling around in the dark, still doing his duty". Leaving Rukn ad-Din to start yet another round of prayer, the inspection continued.
K'thon ad-Din reached the first elephants and looked suspiciously at Boz-Aba. "You know, Government-issue elephants are easy to spot. Half the tusks should already be sawn off and sold by their crew. Most of the elephants should be drunk on date-palm brandy".
"Best thing for them" said Boz-Aba, "nothing is more frightening than a dozen elephants with a blinding hang-over".
"Yet" continued K'thon ad-Din, "these elephants lack proper battle-holes in their ears...no mange..their eyes seem alert and strangely focused and..." slapping the nearest tusk with reassuring solidity "...these feel like real ivory- these aren't Government-issue elephants".
"Weell" said Boz-Aba slowly, "do you really want to know how we came by all these Palace-elephants". A short pause followed. "What Palace-elephants" said K'thon ad-Din, radiating innocence.
"Aah, and now we have our mighty Naffatun" said K'thon ad-Din. The two men watched the pyromaniacs practising. Suddenly a mighty 'WOOSH' filled the air- the sky was filled with brilliant light. After a while K'thon ad-Din's sight returned- his elephants had stampeded (miraculously Rukn ad-Din survived, but half the Afghans were now elephant toe-jam). A giant mushroom cloud spiralled up in the sky.
"Take a memo Boz-Aba" said K'thon ad-Din between clenched teeth, "never store the date-palm brandy next to my Naffatun ever again".
The spearmen were next, their acned-youthful faces looking nervously at their commander. "It says here" read a puzzled K'thon ad-Din, " that you're the Herat Boys Choir". Boz-Aba explained "They were spotted smoking bang (3) behind the madrasas. Someone thought a bit of military training would cure them".
Later in the command tent the three commanders discussed their options. "Look" explained K'thon ad-Din, "we've got to turn these dregs into army fast, what does the manual say?"
Rukn ad-Din (exploiting his monopoly on literacy) read:
"The first rule is do not pick a Ghaznavid army, for this is the path to suffering and defeat. The second rule is there is no such thing as a good Ghaznavid army. The third rule is those whom God wishes to destroy He will first drive insane- by getting them to try organising a Ghaznavid army".
He turned to K'thon ad-Din "Do not believe this, for all victories come from God- no battle can be lost if the Cosmic dice deliver plentiful sixes to thine opponent's abundant ones".
"That manual writer sounds pretty sharp" sighed Boz-Aba, "if we are depending on K'thon ad-Din's good fortune it should be a short campaign".
"...well" said K'thon ad-Din, "I think we'll just stick to the script- massed elephants with Rukn ad-Din and lots of ghulams on the wings. We just need to find someone easy to bloody our green-troops on".
(1) An Arabic transliteration
of his Rumi-name. Some scholars have speculated it means "God's tiny
allegorical scorpion".
(2) Isfahan was
the Kakuyid capital in this period.
(3) Bang is Persian
for hashish.
Part 2: In which the reader learns that everyone gets his 15 seconds of fame.
"One day, if we survive this battle," said K'thon ad-Din to Rukn ad-Din "let me explain what an easy opponent is". Across from them, the plain filled up with Norman warriors. At a rough count, K'thon ad-Din could see he was heavily out-numbered. Normans again, he thought, why couldn't Rukn ad-Din have found me a nice Dog-peoples army to fight.
Rukn ad-Din retorted, "...Normans are easy, they won't stand up to 500 elephants". "That is indeed likely", agreed K'thon ad-Din patiently, "but we don't have 500 elephants. Most of our elephants are still in therapy after that incident with the naffatun".
"Sober elephants " remarked Boz Aba morosely. Date-palm brandy was in short supply since the explosion and the elephants' rations had been cut. "We're going to fight Normans with a handful of sober elephants." K'thon ad-Din heard him mutter "we're doomed...".
"So have you fought Normans before?"
asked Rukn ad-Din.
"...umm recently" replied K'thon
ad-Din, not keen to elaborate.
"So how did you beat them last time?" asked Rukn ad-Din. After the laughter from the other amirs had died down Rukn ad-Din complained "What's so funny?"
"So boss" asked Boz-Aba, "what's the plan?" K'thon ad-Din gestured across the plain. "Think about it, they have a much bigger army than we do- so what's the last thing they'd expect?". "... a charge straight up the middle with 500 elephants" suggested Rukn ad-Din (basic facts continuing to elude him). "Well yes" said K'thon ad-Din slowly "...500 elephants up the middle would surprise the Normans- and here I feel the need to point out the basic flaw with your suggestion- what would actually make this event surprising is that I don't have 500 elephants".
While Rukn ad-Din struggled to incorporate this fact into whatever little-world he lived in, K'thon ad-Din carried on "we're going to encircle the Normans".
And so the battle began...a short sharp affair with Death a clear-winner and lots of deeds of bravery and heroism that went un-noticed by historians (as usual).
After the battle the three commanders discussed the battle.
Boz-Aba tried to describe what had happened, "they sent two commands up against me, so I had a line of ghulams and ghazis up to stop their Saracens. Another line of ghulams faced off against their knights and the Herat Boy's Choir were coming up on their flank". He blinked back the tears, "then in an instant, almost a third of my command was broken...". K'thon ad-Din passed him some more wine, muttering a sympathetic response. His own command had similarly come close to breaking- not as abruptly as Boz-Aba's. It was more the slow, steady loss by attrition- aided by some lethal shooting by a small body of Norman crossbowmen. Even when the Turks and ghulams had got around the crossbowmen's flank, the Normans had easily repulsed the attacks. His encirclement was an embarrassment. I'd better scratch that idea from the 'official record' he thought.
Boz-Aba's anuguish increased "losing Turks to Normans I can understand, but those Arabs weren't even all that good... how could I lose to Arabs". K'thon ad-Din replied "Well, the Herat-boys did a fine job, and smashed through a fair number of knights with nary a loss". Boz-Aba smiled, a blood-stained hand wiped the tears from his face "aah, they did well" he said proudly. The in a grimmer tone "...And I personally made sure that none of those Arabs survived to boast about beating Turks". His gurz mace looked like a relic from a butcher's yard floor.
Rukn ad-Din smiled "I told you 500 elephants up the middle would succeed didn't I". His command had escaped without serious loss- as only the elephants had got into battle. The Norman's largest command of knights had been advancing towards K'thon ad-Din's personal position- with just the Hindu archers there for protection. Rukn ad-Din's elephants showing off the manouverability that only sobriety can bring had hit the Normans in the flank. Nonetheless, a large contingent of Normans had pressed forward towards K'thon ad-Din and his archers.K'thon ad-Din explained, "half right Rukn ad-Din, your elephants performed better than I expected but.." He paused to look out the tent, "we need the Hindu archers to finish the job".
He recalled the Norman advance, the knights getting so close he could smell them (or that might have suddenly been the archers). The Hindu archers were in near panic, but he coolly kept his head (well, after all he had a fast horse even if the archers didn't). But a near perfect volley had emptied enough saddles that the knights broke. Venturing forward, he found the Norman commander perforated by arrows. The Norman had not yet expired, and on spotting K'thon ad-Din looked aghast. "You- but you're dead, we all saw you die at Civitate..." the surprised Norman gasped before death claimed him.
At the same time, his own (depleted)
ghulams had engaged the Norman reserve and crushed that. With half the
Norman army dead or in retreat, the rest broke. Very fortunately as it
turns out, as he knew that neither his command nor Boz-Aba could take any
more serious losses. So a victory by a very slim margin, but a victory
no-less he thought.
Boz-Aba swayed happily in his saddle and apparently singing. K'thon ad-Din couldn't make out the slurred Turkish words, but Rukn ad-Din had recognised the tune. The Herat-Boys Choir was sent to the back of the march-column to "avoid further corruption". Rukn ad-Din was radiating disapproval but Boz-Aba remained oblivious.
K'thon ad-Din heard his stomach rumble with desperate hunger again. The Norman camp had yielded a small lake of wine but little food. The elephants were back on the track to terminal alcoholism (or marination as Boz-Aba was fond of pointing out). Either way, open-flames were banned from the vicinity of the elephants.
The Ghaznavid column made its way down through the Jibal. K'thon ad-Din sent off the scouts, ordered the army to encamp then found a quiet shady spot to watch the chaos.
Rukn ad-Din interrupted K'thon ad-Din's sleep. "The scouts have returned" he stated unhappily. K'thon ad-Din knew something was wrong- Rukn ad-Din was the only member of the army to show any enthusiasm for their mission. "An enormous army (1) has issued forth from Iraq and is blocking our path" stated the scout. "The Caliph is opposing us" said Rukn ad-Din, "we should beg his forgiveness for daring to invade".
K'thon ad-Din sat up, sore muscles protesting at the effort. "Surrender is not an option", K'thon ad-Din stated, "that would condemn Boz Aba to death". Rukn ad-Din studied K'thon ad-Din's face for a hint of irony. "And that would be a bad thing why exactly?" asked the Amir. K'thon ad-Din sighed, "there's also a price on my head in Baghdad Rukn ad-Din, we have to fight".
Standing up, the K'thon ad-Din studied the battlefield with a sense of foreboding. Summoning Boz-Aba, he explained his plan to the two amirs. "The Abbasids have a lot of rough going on their right, so we're going to envelop them on the left. I'll try to slow him over most of the front. Boz-Aba should try to get around the left-flank as quickly as possible. Rukn ad-Din can follow up with the elephants."
The battle began with the Ghaznavids surging forward against the long line of Abbasid spearmen, Turks and Arab auxiliaries. The Abbasid's reacted cooly to the threats. Dailami and Khurasanian light horse were sent up against the K'thon ad-Din's skirmishers, while spearmen, 'abid, Turks and Arab auxiliaries began to shore up the left flank.
K'thon ad-Din wheeled his Turkmens around and they swooped on the opposing Khurasanians. The Khurasanians put their faith in their superior numbers, but were not destined to survive this encounter (possibly because they couldn't reach their bowcases and quivers, having hung them on their belts incorrectly). In a heartbeat, the Khurasanian light horse were routed (2).
The rest of the battle however was not going to plan. The Abbasid Dailami and Spear were forcing their way towards K'thon ad-Din's position, while mass Turkish cavalry were moving up in support. The Ghaznavid ghulams were showing rare skill at failing to bring off a successful attack against any isolated archer, opposing mounted (and three small dogs happening to be wandering around the battlefield). Rukn ad-Din and Boz- Aba had their attacks brought to a shuddering halt. The Abbasid numbers were starting to bite hard, but despite this, the Ghaznavids continued on grimly.
K'thon ad-Din committed the only reserves he had left- the Hindu archers, while Rukn ad-Din sent in the elephants- and Boz Aba gave the Herat-Boys Choir their orders to charge. Like a kitten pouncing on a pack of wild dogs the Ghaznavids struck the Abbasids. The Abbasids emerged from this Ghaznavid stroke, like a pack of wild dogs attacked by a kitten...(3)
The very practiced K'thon ad-Din
led the gallant and desperate rear-guard action that ensured the Ghaznavid's
survival for the next battle.
----------
1. Game #1 at Nicon.
I draw Angus Osbourne using the Abbasids from mid-9th C. I'm certain I
had the smallest army in the competition, so it goes without saying all
my opponents had enormous armies in comparison.
2. A great moral
victory. This was the first clash between the Essex Khurasanians
and my new Outpost Turks, so victory was had by the forces of good (its
predestination right?). Angus though did refuse my generous offer
to fix his Essex figures with a swift hard blow with a hammer.
3. Ghaznavids managed
to last up to the last 20 minutes of the game but ended up with a thorough
0:10 hiding.
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Game 2
It was early in the morning as the Ghaznavid army made its way through the thick mists covering the Khazar's steppe (4). Rukn ad-Din turned to K'thon ad-Din, "I can't see anything- are you sure there's an enemy out there?". Boz Aba smiled grimly, morale was pretty low. The supply of Norman wine was vanishing fast while their supply officer had absconded with the funds required for food and fodder. Sobriety was not an experience the pagan Turk liked to perpetuate, and now hunger was not dulled by alcohol. "Actually I can't see most of our army" said K'thon ad-Din. He reflected, "well actually if I am seeing most of our army we're in trouble".
Rukn ad-Din sniffed the air. An acrid smell wafted down from the position of the Herat Boys Choir. So long as they stayed away from the elephants, K'thon ad-Din tolerated their use of bang. Of course, after the explosion that left an elephant-sized crater and bits of head-boy and elephant spread over the camp, they took his warning seriously.
"So what's the plan?" asked Boz Aba.
"This mist will give us a chance
to sneak up on the Khazars with our army, and hopefully roll up their right
flank", replied K'thon ad-Din.
Abruptly the mist cleared-
Khazar artillery pounded the elephants
and Hindu archers.
K'thon ad-Din looked at the Khazar
army massing on his right
flank. K'thon ad-Din looked
at Boz-Aba.
"So what did you do to piss off
so many Gods?" asked an exasperated Boz-Aba.
The tired and hungry Ghaznavids were
no match for the highly drilled professionalism of the Khazars, and were
bundled unceremoniously off the battlefield (5). The
very practiced K'thon ad-Din led the gallant and desperate rear-guard action
that ensured the Ghaznavid's survival for the next battle (in China).
----------
4. Playing Mathew
Collett's Khazars.
5. Another 0:10
defeat, but over much faster than the first game. I think I managed
to kill a total of 1 element in Matthew's army. May God let me live long
enough to forget this one.
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Game 3
"This is great food" remarked K'thon ad-Din enthusiastically. Boz Aba smiled "yes, the Chinese are very adept cooks". The waitress came over to the Ghaznavid army- while the restaurant had been busy, they'd managed to fit the entire force into a rarely used small-booth by the toilets (6). Approaching Rukn ad-Din (the only member of the force who still looked vaguely respectable), she handed him the bill.
K'thon ad-Din looked at the boys from the Herat-choir playing happily in the children's playground. It was nice to see them relaxing and enjoying themselves. The last two battles had been pretty hard on them, and the rounds of tucking them in at night and reading them a bed-time story were a getting to be a drain.
Rukn ad-Din looked at the bill and passed it over to K'thon ad-Din. "We have a problem" he said, "we don't have any cash to pay for this and cheques aren't accepted" (7). While Rukn ad-Din tried to explain their dilemma to the waitress, she became very voluble. K'thon ad-Din wasn't too sure what happened next- the kitchen staff had come out and then someone had pushed someone else. The riot happened soon after. Boz Aba was probably to blame.
The next morning, K'thon ad-Din looked over the gigantic Chinese army called into to restore order (8). A giant waterway had narrowed the battlefield, which was lined with chariots and deep formations of dagger-axe men.
K'thon ad-Din quickly outlined his plan to the bruised and tired Amirs. "This is going to be a straightforward fight" he explained. "We need to get the elephants into the chariots to win, while keeping the enemy foot at bay". If we succeed, we will roll over them. If we fail, its a long march west".
The battle began with the great chariot and elephant shuffle. Chariots were trying to avoid the elephant match ups while the elephants followed them in ponderous sideways counters (9). On the extreme right the Chinese chariots were being punished by the Ghaznavid light horse and ghulams. The ghulams were displaying their usual spectacular vulnerability to missile fire, but trading losses was no way for the Ghaznavids to win.
Sensing their best opportunity to snatch victory, the ghulams attacked a chariot general- behind him was yet another chariot general. Success only required a recoil to confuse and shatter the enemy. K'thon ad-Din held his breath with anticipation but this was not to be.
The battle reverted to a game of attrition, ensuring the Ghaznavids would implode shortly after (10). The very practiced K'thon ad-Din led the gallant and desperate rear-guard action that ensured the Ghaznavid's survival for the next battle.
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6. Have I mentioned
the Ghaznavid army was small...?
7. Cheque (check)
has an Arabic root.
8. Bruce Ferguson's
Spring and Autumn Chinese.
9. The player with
the least PIPs dies (guess who?)
10. Another 0:10
hiding but I'd made Bruce work for it. Now I'm in with a chance to
win the wooden spoon.
"So who are these people?" asked
Boz Aba.
"French" replied K'thon ad-Din.
"A bit like Normans but slower and a much harder outer-shell" (1).
Rukn ad-Din nodded gaily, he'd finally
succumbed to the local French wines and was starting to relax. "But are
they any good?" he asked.
"Their knights are the bravest in
the world" explained by K'thon ad-Din, "but their commanders reputed to
be the dullest."
He looked at the two amirs.
"They have nothing to really counter our light horse, while our elephants
give us quite an edge. My plan is to hit the French king with a massed
elephant charge."
The Ghaznavids watched the French army deploy on the battlefield. A large command of knights lined up on the Ghaznavid right, with pike, spear and brigands extending into the brush. K'thon ad-Din matched the force with a small force of Turkmens and Arab auxiliaries.
The Oriflamme, many more French knights, Genoese and sergeants deployed next. Rukn ad-Din lined up the elephants with the knights, and the Dailami and Afghans against the sergeants (2).
The last French command of Spear and a dismounted general went down, and was matched with Boz-Aba.
K'thon ad-Din ordered the army to attack and while the initial advance was hesitant, the army quickly got into action. Rukn ad-Din's Dailami and Afghans swallowed the cavalry sergeants while Boz-Aba's ghulams cleared away the Geonese. At this point the French knights in the centre turned tail and sped off the battlefield (3).
The other French attack came from the knights of their first command. Two squadrons were caught by one of Rukn ad-Dins elephants. As Rukn ad-Din remarked later, "French knights, crunchy on the outside but mmmm, squishy on the inside".
K'thon ad-Din harassed the French knights with Turkmens while the ghulams raced through the open centre to sack the French baggage. The battlefield was quickly vacated by fleeing French soldiers (4).
The Ghaznavid army celebrated long into the night. A final victory to end the campaign with nary a loss.
K'thon ad-Din took Boz-Aba aside.
"What's up K'thon?" asked the Amir.
"It's time to retire the army" explained
K'thon ad-Din. "They've fought hard but we're going to lose too many
good men if this continues".
Boz Aba nodded, "Its a hopeless
army".
"So" K'thon ad-Din said steadily,
"you're going to lead them back".
Boz Aba looked surprised "But what
will the Sultan say".
K'thon ad-Din looked him steadily
in the eye "Tell them I didn't survive this battle". He grinned and
clapped Boz Aba on the shoulder, "don't worry, I've been "dead" before.
And when you get back, come west again and look me up".
Boz Aba frowned "but what about
Rukn ad-Din, he knows the truth".
K'thon ad-Din shrugged, "what do
I care. If they believe you I'll be safe. If not...well it
won't be the first sovereign who wants me dead. Farrukh-Zad better
get behind a long queue".
K'thon ad-Din readied his horse.
"Wait" called out Boz Aba, "how will I know where to find you later?"
K'thon ad-Din laughed, "Just follow
the rumours- desperate rearguard actions are my modus operandi- you'll
know".
And with that, our hero rode off
into the night...
---------
1. Tim Rowe's Feudal
French. Exquisitely painted but not highly ranked. Still, Tim
was going into the final round with more points than I was.
2. Tim commented
that he was out-deployed in every game. I quickly realised that having
all the Kn deployed for just one of your opponent's command would do that
every time. Feudal French also has limited powers to redeploy.
3. The French were
reluctant to commit their knights with 3 elephants in front of them, so
ended up fighting with their supports.
4. I lost two elements
up against what was basically the Ghaznavid's basic prey-item. This
decisive win catapulted me to 3rd from the bottom of the ranks (like anyone
cares). However, any of the Islamic Cv/LH armies I use would also
have done the job.
FWIW, the army list was
K'thon ad-Din as rCv(S), 4 rCv(S),
1 rCv(O), 8 Bw(I), 3 LH(S), 2 LH(O) = 19ee
Rukn ad-Din as rCv(S), 2 rCv(O),
3 El(O), 4 rAx(S)+ 2 rPs(O), 2 iAx(X) = 13ee
Boz Aba as rCv(S), 1 rCv(O), 6 rCv(S),
3 iLH(O), 6 Sp(I)+3Ps(O)= 18.5ee
Kind of pretty but small in a bad
way- unable to contest much battle frontage- it tended to have gaps appear
quickly then implode in the blink of an eye. My theory that Cv(S)
was a robust troop-type was thoroughly disproved. Very hard army
to come back from a rut of bad PIPs or combat dice.