The King is a Milkman
Falluf in the Land of Peacocks
Fluffy and the Angel of Death
Fluffy of Nubia: Nobades Fool
Fluffy returns: There's no place like Home
Fluffy in the Kingdom of Ghaz
Fluffy and the Pikers
Fluffy and the Breath of Ishtar
Fluffy in the Heart of Darkness
An Assyrian in Paris

The King is dead.  Esarhaddon's bereaved subjects, those who survived his benevolent reign, flocked in grief to Nineveh dressed in  brightly colored clothing, drinking, laughing and dancing on his grave until they dropped from exhaustion.  But Assyria is without an heir and two mighty leaders emerged to claim the throne, both purporting to spring from the lusty monarch's loins, viz. Shamashshumukin ("He resembles Shum, the Palace milkman") and the peerless Ashurbanipallor ("Give thanks to Ashur that accurate DNA testing lies 2600 years in the future").

     [Kevin Donovan and I met Saturday for a Middle Assyrian
     civil war.  To save you some suspense, we agreed that the
     loser would document the carnage.]

Shamashsh, my lord, pursued his rival the length of the Tigris before he finally turned and offered battle.  As Shamashsh gazed west across the plain, he smiled at the pretender's cunning.  My lord would have preferred an open field, where their courage could be tested in horrible battle.  Instead, his sly opponent chose a field broken by hills and dwellings, places to hide his warriors in ambush and to trap his enemy. With these wiles he had become Assur's greatest general, victorious in battles from the sixteen mighty mountains to the upper sea.

On my lord's right, at the edge of the plain and almost midway between armies was a small rocky hill, too rocky for chariots in formation.  None of the pretender's warriors occupied it: at least, none which could be seen.

Far to his left, my lord could see the palms and rooftops of a small village immediately before which was an fruit orchard and on whose north side was a rocky field.  Even without  wind, Shamshsh could smell the pretender's conscripts like carrion dogs, lurking there unseen.

In the center and only a few hundred paces from my lord's front line was a small patch of broken ground: bad for
chariots but perfect for his invincible militia.  Finally, directly behind his left wing where my lord had drawn up his
shining Shashepe chariots was a small vinyard.

Because of the village and the enemy lurking therein, my lord had shortened his line, the chariots of his left wing
extending to just beyond the vineyard.  On the chariot's right, directly before the patch of broken ground were Hupshu conscripts.

Shamashsh glanced nervously at the vineyard, manned only be a few archers and a unit of skirmishers in hiding.  His weakness lay there: undermanned and reaching up behind his chariots, denying them room to maneuver.  My lord knew well the pretender: his cunning could find the weakness in an enemy like a jackal could smell wounded lion.  He ordered a unit of mounted scouts deployed beyond it to slow any advance from that direction.

At the center of my lord's army was the regiment of his Ashsharittu blades, scarred veterans of many battles,
supported by a double rank of bowmen and Hupshu militia.

The army's right wing was his invincible command, immortal Shashupe nobles in chariots formed in rank before him.  On the right were massed conscripts, valiant Hupshu with supporting archers eager to raise their new king to the throne.

Across the plain sat a mirror image of my lord's army: chariots on the wings and savage Ashsharittu warriors in the
center.  All three contingents were supported by the pretender's conscripts, men driven with the lash to fight
under his wicked banner.

Shamashsh, the terrible lance of battle, stood in his chariot on that windless spring afternoon listening to his charioteer murmuring reassurances to his impatient steeds.  He raised his arm; commanded the battle to start.

At once, mounted scouts as swift as thought dashed out: to the front to harass and confuse the enemy's main line; to the left to penetrate the darkness of the orchard's shadows. Skirmishers were dispatched to probe the hill on the army's right front.  The ground trembled as my lord's army marched forward against their foes.

Slowly, the pretenders army sprang to life.  Out of the orchard poured Hupshu militia and archers like thieves in the
night.  On the opposite side of the battlefield, enemy skirmishers appeared on the face of the hill, moving down to
contest the passage of my lord's scouts.

Shamashsh responded, wheeling the chariots on his left wing to respond to the ambush from the orchard.  These anchored their right flank on the rocky ground which their militia had occupied.  But their left flank was in the air and the pretender's foul minions, brushing aside my lord's mounted scout, rushed for it like wolves for a newborn foal.

My lord dressed his forward line and rapidly moved a body of reserves to the left where his flank was threatened.  Thinking Ashur must love him well, my lord was pleased to see how quickly his troops responded to his commands.   Fool!  The gods were merely rushing him to his doom.

The enemy moved slowly but carefully, never making a mistake, always moving towards the weak left wing.   The armies met in the north and in the initial round, two squadrons of Shashupe chariots were utterly destroyed and the rest thrown into confusion.  Into the resulting gaps went that wing's commander and any other reserves which could be found while the enemy moved inexorably forward, solid and unwavering.  In the second bound, more losses, more retreat.

Seeing the situation deteriorate, Shamashsh threw his right wing into the battle where the odds were even and the
opportunity to break through fair.  Again, the pretender's chariots repulsed him completely, driving the entire line back against its reserves.

Into the battle's third bound, both wings were hotly engaged. Once more, Ashur spread his hand over the pretender, dealing death to more of my lord's nobles; slaying his general and crushing Shamashsh himself beneath the hooves of his stampeding chariots.

     [Note: although Kevin's pip dice were almost too low to
     be seen with the naked eye, when the fighting started, he
     became hotter than a three dollar pistol.  I doubt that
     there were more than 25 or 30 in individual combats in
     this game.  Of these, I won no more than three and had as
     many locks, the latter coming only when a recoil would
     have served better.  Two commands lost generals on the
     same bound and both failed the subsequent demoralization
     check.  One of the cleanest endings I've ever seen.]

I, Shagarakti-Emlil, record these facts in clay since no stele will be raised for Shamashsh.  His army was scattered to the winds.  Boatmen on the Tigris float by the remains of his nobles, impaled on stakes lining the river, swarming with
flies and exuding noxious vapors.  This morning, I saw my lord, the unblemished Shamashshumukin, as I entered Nineveh by the Gate of the Merchants, where his flayed flesh is nailed to the city wall, slowly blackening in the summer sun.

LESSONS

1.   Under ver 2.0, Cav(S) vs Cav(S) combat is quick and lethal.  Keep a reserve on hand.

2.   While both our lists were very similar, Kevin's contained no bow and, in this case, was the better.

3.   When vying for the throne of Assyria, choose your opponent carefully.

Falluf winced.  He hated it when his employer called him Fluffy but held his peace.  Having failed his last master, Shamashshumukin, in an ill-fated bid for Assyria's throne, Falluf was lucky to have a job.  Hell, after losing a battle to someone like Ashurbanipal, he was lucky to have a head.  His present master, a second cousin of that same Ashurbanipal, calculated that his highly diluted royal blood deserved a kingdom too.  He had hired Falluf and his renegade Ashsharittu to carve one out for him somewhere, anywhere.  Somewhere in this case was the Indian subcontinent.

     [Friday, my Middle Assyrians met Alan Crandall's Republican
     Indians in a ver 2.0 training match.]

"Well, sire, my reconnaissance finds every Republican in India out there.  Thousands of super troopers: cheap bow(S), knight(S) in chariots the size of river barges and some fast blades for good measure.  A formidable foe."

"Ridiculouth!  Grading those Indian bowmen ath thuperior ith a travethty."

"I quite agree, your majesty.  I recommend that we return to Babylon, pop a couple of cold brewskies and hang out til WRG distributes their revised Army Book II.  Word on the street has it that this Indian army is being completely regraded and the results will be limp in the extreme.  If we invade then, our only opposition will come from the irate gamers who just finished painting up these puppies."

His lord stiffened.

"I'm not a young man, Fluffy, and life ith short.  Wait until WRG publitheth a revithed Book II?  I want a kingdom in my lifetime.  We will fight now or my name ithn't Tuglath Pilthner."

Tuglath paused and stared deliberately at Falluf.  "And you WILL therve me better than your latht mathter.  I underthtand that my royal couthin is thtill looking for you.  Thomethting about a prithe on your head."

Falluf nodded, reflecting that if he survived this, he would reconsider that job as a tavern bouncer in the temple district back in Babylon.

"Of course, your majesty.  You're absolutely right.  No time like the present.  Well then, let's get on with it."
Drawing his dagger, Fullaf traced lines in the dirt at his employer's feet while he explained,

"Our armies face east here, at a point were the Indus river is as wide as Ishtar's hips, there is a large city, Wurkingpur, over a thousand paces across but without protective walls [We forgot that large BUAs required fortifications].  In the southeast sector of the field lies an endless Mongongo forest, dense and dark.  In the southwest, just behind the rightmost edge of our deployment zone, is broken ground too rough for our Shashepe charioteers."

"Two commands of Indians are in the east edge of the field, each with about ten units of archers, half-dozen of blades and three squadrons of chariots.  These are deployed, side by side, angled 45 degrees toward the gap between Wurkingpur and the large Mongongo forest.  Judging from the size of the baggage train there is a third force, but nothing of it can be seen."

Falluf stopped and jerked his head meaningfully towards the open field beyond the Assyrian army's right flank and silently mouthed the words "F-L-A-N-K  M-A-R-C-H".  Tuglath nodded and Falluf continued.

"I suggest that we deploy my elite Ashsharittu opposite the city, using skirmishers to scout it and sending the swordsmen through it in column to strike the Indian bows when them move forward.  Your majesty's force of chariots could then deploy in center and act as bait for the Indian forces, sending your Sabe conscripts in column
through the outskirts of the city to protect them from the fierce Indian chariots.

Finally, deploy you son, Triglath's, command on the right, force marching his Sabe auxilia into the Mongongo forest to clear it of whatever's there and then put pressure the Indian's left flank.  He must also position his chariots so that they can either delay the enemy's flank march or attack the main force as it moves past the forest.  We'll use the mounted scouts to pin the Indians until our maneuvers are complete.  And they must be complete before enemies flank march arrives."

"Exthellent!  Let it be tho!"

And it was so, sort of.  In the super-sized terrain pieces [which chariot based command elements could not enter!], swallowed up my skirmish line when it reached the 12" limit of its command control.  Columns of blades and auxilia soon became tangled while trying to operate within the 12" command buffer zone, becoming a cluster hump of significant proportions.  Alan took advantage of this by turning loose a handful of impetuous blades in both the city and the woods which tied up the dozens of psiloi that penetrated just over half- way and lurched to a stop as precious pips, never abundant (rain threatened but never materialized), were needed elsewhere.  At first, my psiloi managed to mug a few of the blades but gradually their ranks were broken up the recoils and a shoving match where little harm could be done to either side.

While Assyrian assaults on both wings were grinding to a halt, Alan's Indians were having their problems as their ver 1.3 vintage deployment met with ver 2.0 complications.  Observing that no serious threat posed itself from the flanks, Alan moved his two on- table commands via the twisting route bewteen the terrain.  However, the pip demands of his irregular, impetuous, and mounted- mixed-with-footed commands exceeded supply.  Lurching forward in short increments, the two commands eventually distintegrated into clumps of bow, chariots, and spontaneous advancers.

Just before the two disarticulated "armies" made contact, the Indian march arrived (after about 1.5 hours).  For a brief period, it was the only orderly thing on the table but after a couple of bounds, it was inflicted with movement problems and combat requirements.  Shortly, all semblance of order vanished and a passerby glancing at the table would have thought that we were attempting to model a soccer riot.

Despite the fact that there were hundreds of elements hacking and poking at each other, surprisingly few fatalities occurred, attributable I think to the large number of (S) troops on the table.  After 3.75 hrs we called it a draw (5-5), although at that time, the outlook was grim for the Assyrian right wing sandwiched as it was in between the Indian flank march and the rest of the subcontinent's colorful population.

Conclusions:
1.   20" Dgo terrain can be a problem for chariot based armies.
2.   Cv(S) can be incredibly tough against Bw(S) and even Kn(S).
3.   Le deployment, le deployment, toujours le deployment.
4.   To achieve their potential regular generals need pips.  Their potential flexibility seduces the unexperienced into unnecessarily complicated maneuvers.  Parsimony of movement should govern one's tactics unless one has trained dice.
5.   While still powerful, Republican Indian lists need retooling to operate effectively in a 2.0 environment.
6.   Fluffy needs a new job.

"What did he say she said, Fluff?"

Fluffy turned to Baladin, the one-eared Elamite who commanded the Assyrian third corps, and whispered, "That her name was Rhusla.  That she commanded one of the Rus legions.  That she wasn't here to offer submission or tribute.  And that if we weren't off Rus lands in three hours, they would turn us into vulture bait."

Unlike her escort, three blond-haired, ruddy giants who sat on mangy steppe ponies so short that their riders feet almost touched the ground, Rhusla was slight, her hair the color of a Raven's wing.  And her appearance as she surveyed the Assyrian generals left no room for doubt as to why these northmen jumped at her command.  She pointed her riding crop directly at Fluffy and hawked out a handful of words in Rus. Their captive, pointing his finger at Fluffy translated to Marduk, the Assyrian chief commander, "She said that she wants this scrawny one to sacrifice to Odinn, her God."

His temper flared.  Fluffy jerked the prisoner around and said, "Tell the bitch that I am..."   Fluffy stopped and reflected that living under an assumed name in the army of the very king who had put a price on his head had its disadvantages.  "...that I am Fluffy, mighty Assyrian general."

After the translator finished, Rhusla threw back her head and barked out a laugh.  She kneed her pony over until it stood nose-to-nose with Fluffy.  She uttered something unsisterly and spat on the ground at his feet.  Then wheeling her horse, she snapped of three words to Marduk and galloped off to the Rus lines, her escort trailing in her wake.

All of them turned toward the translator expectantly. Nervously, he began "She said that she had seen 'mightier' things pass through the guts of camp dogs and that if that man were an Assyrian general, she may need to sacrifice a dozen. Then she said that you have three hours to leave Rusland."  He turned to Fluffy and smiled.  "She is much loved by Odinn because she has sent so many warriors to him.  Her warriors call her the 'Angel of Death'."

Pointing to the prisoner, Marduk said to the guard, "Take him out in front of the army and impale him."  Then he turned to Baladin and Fluffy.  "OK.  Forget all that crap.  Let's get to work."

The armies of the Rus were wedged in between a swamp to the north and a village, Retrogorod, on the south.  Baladin spoke their thoughts.  "I see three commands of spears, double ranked and supported by archers.  We've nothing that can break through that.  But there, on the right, there's a gap between the end of the spear phalanx and the marsh.  A thin rank of horsemen is in echelon slightly behind the spearmen's flank."

"Light horse and cavalry."  Marduk said quietly as though to himself. "Bulgars."

Fluffy looked again at the spearmen.  The front ranks stood out clearly but the rear ranks loomed dark and shadowy, like legions of the dead.

     [Nance Michalos brought her Rus army over Saturday for a
     400 AP ver 2.0 game against my Middle Assyrians.  With
     her painting "in progress", Nance has wisely based all
     the figures so that she could play them in the interim.
     She deployed all the (excellently) painted elements in
     the front rank, while supporting ranks sported a blue-
     black primer the color of a gun barrel.  These troops
     created a haunting visual effect and during the game one
     could almost see their burning red eyes as they bore down
     on the Assyrians.  Her list was:

CinC:     1 Gen Bd(O) "Rustav"; 1 Bd(O), 22 Sp(O), 11 Ps(O) supp, 2 LH(S)
SG 1:     1 SG Sp(O) "Sigrun"; 11 Sp(O), 6 Ps(O) supp, 2 LH(F)
SG 2:     1 SG Sp(O) "Rhusla"; 11 Sp(O), 6 Ps(O) supp, 2 LH(S)
AG  :     1 AG Cv(S) "Belezar"; 3 Cv(S), 5 LH(S), 4 Sp(I), 3 Ps(O)

     Invading from the east on a late summer afternoon, I
     chose an open table.  Nance placed a BUA on the right
     edge of her deployment zone and randomly added two
     marshes: one on the left table edge in her deployment
     area and one in the center of mine.  All three terrain
     pieces were normal (15") size pieces.]

"Fluffy, deploy your Ashsharittu in the center.  Yes, I know it's swampy.  Move your men in column through it and form a rank on its western edge. I will place my command on your left, opposite the Rus' largest spear phalanx and Baladin's corps will deploy on your right, opposite their Bulgar ally. Both wing commands will place the Hupshu auxilia on the outer flanks and the chariots inmost.

If the Rus do not move, we will refuse the center and advance on wings, penetrate the village and marsh and take them from the rear.  If they advance, both their flanks will be vulnerable.  The Hupshu with archer support should be able to hold off the Bulgar light horse and cavalry while the Shashepe chariots roll up the spearmen.  Fluffy, if our chariots do not stop them before they reach your blademen, fall back into the swamp.  If their spearmen follow you there, so much the better.  Our mounted scouts I will send out to slow the ends of their line.  This will give our Hupshu time to deploy into ranks and may cause them to break up their formation.  Prepare your commands."

My list was:

Marduk    Cnc-RCv(S), 8 Shashepe chariot RCv(S), 6 Hupshu IAx(O), 6 IPs(O) supp, 2 IPs(O), 1 ILH(F)    PB=7
Fluffy    SG-RCv(S), 9 Ashsharittu RBd(F), 9 RPs(O) supp, 4 Hupshu IAx(O), 4 IPs(O) supp.                BP=7
Baladin   SG-RCv(S), 6 Shashepe chariot RCv(S), 8 Hupshu IAx(O), 8 IPs(O) supp, 2 IPs(O), 1 ILH(F)    PB=7

As Fluffy signalled for his chariot, Baladin grabbed his arm and spun him back towards the enemy.  "Look.  In the center. See those Raven banners.  They're flapping."

Fluffy looked where his finger pointed.  "Yeh.  So?"

Baladin's lopsided head moved close to Fluffy's ear and the Elamite said in a tight voice. "Fluffy, there is no wind."

     Assyrian mounted scouts raced across the plain, taking up
     positions near the ends of the Rus' line while Fluffy
     started his slow march through the marsh.  Nance's Rus
     didn't wait to be attacked but rolled slowly forward in
     an orderly line.  The Bulgar ally moved his horse out
     from behind the spear and in front of the marsh to cover
     the spearmen's left flank, lights in one column, cav in
     the other.  Rhusla dispatched a Magyar horseman who
     camped in front of Fluffy's command and slowed his marsh
     march to a crawl.  Another brace of light horse from the
     Rus main command move around spearmen's right flank to
     screen it when they had movement took them beyond the
     protection of the village.

     The Assyrian light horse allowed the Rus spear to crawl
     forward only an inch at a time.  Meanwhile, the Assyrians
     pushed out their wings, dressing the Hupshu's lines each
     time to protect against Nance's light horse which were
     constantly hovering nearby waiting for an opportunity.
     As the spear phalanx neared the center of the table,
     chariots were dispatched towards the Rus' right to drive
     back their light horse and clear the way for a flank
     attack.  Feeling pressure there, the Rus spearmen started
     to hurry, moving their line ahead in segments but
     echeloned for mutual support.

     By the time Fluffy finally had his blades deployed in
     rank before the marsh the Rus phalanx was only 350 paces
     away.  Since the "envelopment of the flanks" was not
     going as quickly as expected, he threw the supporting
     psiloi out in front to slow the spear attack.  Rhusla
     responded by moving her supporting archers out to meet
     them.  After loosing some of his psiloi, Fluffy sent some
     Hupshu forward to support them.

     This was a conservative fight with both sides moving
     deliberately and attacking cautiously.  On the Assyrian
     left, the chariots had taken out a light horse and a file
     of spearmen, exposing the Rus' flank.  Other Shashepe
     chariots had pursued a troop of light horse in feigned
     flight as far as the village and triggered there an
     ambush of Bulgar spearmen.  The latter couldn't decide
     whether or not to attack because their commander was on
     the opposite side of the battlefield slaughtering Hupshu.

     In the center, more isolated combats flared up as troops
     were fed opportunistically into skirmishes between
     chariots and lighthorse.  Fluffy ordered a fresh team of
     horses to be readied for his chariot and prepared his
     Ashsharittu for a retreat into the swamp.  On the
     Assyrian right, the Bulgarian Cv(S), though outnumbered,
     slammed the Hupshu line hard and in two bounds punched a
     large hole in it.  Belezer held his light horse slightly
     back in the gap between the spear phalanx and his
     cavalry, ready to pounce on any chariots that tried a
     flank attack on either side.

     After four hours, we simply ran out of time and called
     the game a draw, both sides having sustained an equal
     number of losses.  All of the Rus commands were still
     robust while the Assyrian right wing was a half element
     from breaking.  I enjoyed playing against both Nance and
     her grisly legions and also gaining a better appreciation
     for the strengths and weaknesses of the Middle Assyrians.
     Finally, I am pleased to announce that Fluffy survived
     the battle and is safely garrisoned near the Urartian
     border.
 

May Hrafnasar guard you,

"I don't understand, Fluff.  If nobody's out there, why are we lined up for a fight?"

Fluffy rolled his eyes.  "Not nobody.  NO-BA-DES.  They're the people who've lived here for time out of mind.  Only now they're christians.  Baal's ballocks, Baladin, you're as dense as an Egyptian tomb.  You give one-eared Elamites a bad name."

"A thousand pardons, O Learned One" replied Third Corp's general, pointing at the empty side of his head.  "I must have been only half-listening."

Baladin then commenced the braying noise which was his signature laughter.  Fluffy braced himself for the inevitable slap on the back which, when it came, rattled his teeth.  When Baladin had recovered enough to speak, he asked, "What's a christian?"

Turning to his lieutenants, Marduk snapped, "It will be the type of burial we'll receive if you two don't get serious.  Look at this terrain!  We're boxed in here with that river on our right.  Whose idea was it to follow that sucker?  Fluffy?"

"Uh, it's a dry region, Duk.  I thought we might get thirsty."

The Tartanu's expresson did not say 'good idea'. "Then there's that Mother-of-All-Hills(G) just in front of our left wing.  If half the Nubian army isn't hiding behind it, I'm the Tooth Fairy.  Those patches of camel brush between the hill and the river shut down our chariots.   A third, sitting on our left base line, prevents us from shifting within our perimeter.  Since these Nubian camel jockeys can pass through that brush like air through the holes in your two heads, I'd say we're pretty well jackal meat. Got any ideas?"

     [Alan Crandall brought over his Nubian Christians for a cram
     game preparatory to the Monterey tournament.  Alan is a
     practitioner of the Victor Charlie school of terrain tricks
     and the feature placement fell randomly where it would make
     him happiest.  His motto: "Ambush is good."]

Getting no response, Marduk continued, "Fluffy, what about those bowmen you insisted in bringing along?"

Fluffy smiled weakly.  "I thought we should get some practice with the backup list before the tourney.  Besides, these Nubian guys have a lot of horse.  I've been training them daily and about 30% of them are in the infirmary with friendly fire wounds.  These guys are just inferior conscripts with a short-timer's attitude."

The Assyrian command frowned.  "Then put them in the front line. If their aim doesn't improve, they'll only last for a short time.

Baladin, deploy on the right, bows nearest the river and chariots (Cv(S)) in from them.  Leave a couple auxiliaries back to guard against river crossings.

Fluffy, you take the center.  You'll be facing either camel riders (Cm(S)) or foot warriors (Wb(F)) so place the bowmen in front, backed by your blademen and flanked by Hupshu auxiliaries.  If you fight warbands, don't forget to move the blades through them after the bows have broken up their formation.  Ya, I know it's not a good match, but it's better than having the bowmen slaughtered.

I'll take the left, hold off whatever's behind that hill and work any seams that develop between there and the center.  You two must push our line out a few hundred paces to give us some room to maneuver.

Remember, we came here for booty.  Since these poor bastards seem to have nothing except sand and camel dung, we may be forgiven for coming back empty-handed.  But if our butts are kicked out of Nubia by a bunch of Nobades, I promise you that, back in Assur, there'll be three stakes erected outside the royal gate with our names on
them."

     As expected, Alan placed only two commands, a large line of
     warbands in the center and a combined Cm(S)/Cv(S)/LH command
     on his left against the river.  The brush held psiloi
     ambushers and a solitary lighthorse was placed on the far side
     of the river for nuisance sake.

     The Assyrians opened by  sending out mounted scouts.  On the
     right, the LH was stopped short by the psiloi in the brush.
     On the left the scout cut across the toe of the hill instead
     of staying on the valley floor (tactical mistake #1) and so
     disclosed only a handful of Ps(S) behind the crest.  At least
     this confirmed the presence of an ambush. The scout was then
     sent to the far right of the hill to slow the inevitable
     charge of the camel brigade.

     Alan rolled the Nubians forward on all fronts, carefully
     placing a couple of lighthorse in the brush just beyond the
     hill to guard a gap there.  As the camel corps poured over the
     crest of the hill, Marduk sought exploit that gap before the
     oncoming warbands closed it.  However, swinging a group of
     chariots around the hill disclosed a double rank of bow
     waiting on the back side of the hill.  Alan had planned for
     everything.  The chariots moved back into line.

     From then on, the Assyrians busied themselves with shifting
     reserves where they might be most needed and preparing their
     wills.  Tactical error #241 occurred when the blademen were
     too far back to relieve the bows before contact with the
     warbands.  Something like...

Fluffy's brows knitted as he strove to remember the order for passing Ashsharittu through bows.  Drawing a blank, he turned to his men.

"Step forward lively to the bowmen's front!".  His veterans looked at him with puzzled expressions.  "Pass the bowmen!"  A few started to giggle.  "Advance to succor the bowmen!"  The men began to shake their heads and mutter.  At that point, Fluffy's voice was drowned out by the screams of conscript bowmen being cut down by battle-maddened Nubian warriors.  When the screams stopped and the Nubian warriors poured toward them, Fluffy raised his baton and commanded, "Prepare to repel boarders!"  Then, in sotto voce to his charioteer, "Wait for my signal and don't spare the horses."

Seeing the plight of the bowmen, Marduk ordered a battalion of chariots forward to relieve the pressure on the bowmen.  The opposing section of Nubian warriors merely held back while a company of lighthorse maneuvered to get on the rescuer's flank.

On Fluffy's right flank, the Turtanu's command was standing firm, ready to receive a wave of camel riders, but a gap existed between two sections of the line.  Into the breach charged our hero as he loosed an arrow at a turbaned camel rider.  Reaching for a new shaft, he saw his veteran Ashsharittu, fleeing behind him to the rear, his command broken.  Notching his arrow, he reflected that at least he would have to issue no more complicated orders.

Meanwhile, Baladin's command was paying dearly for deployment mistake #329.  The bowmen should have been placed opposite the brush in the center through which the camels would inevitably charge.  Instead, the inferior Assyrian bowmen were pitted against Nubian Cv(S) while the Cm(S) slowly pushed back the Elamite's
peerless chariots.

Once joined, the impetuous Nubian troops kept on attacking while their commander used his pips to fine-tune the assault. Conversely, the Assyrians were totally dependent upon pips to react to shifting crisis points.  Before long, the Assyrian right wing broke as well, ending the contest after 3.5 hours.

Lessons:

1.   If you don't have room to maneuver a maneuver army, flank march part of it.
2.   Don't burden a maneuver army with I-Bw(I).
3.   To move your blades through your bow in the face of the enemy, rank them immediately behind the bowmen. (sheesh)
4.   If you're planning of doing this against warband, forget it. In a controlled exercise after the game, we proved that, dice being equal, Bw(I)/Bd(F) are no match for double ranked Wb(F).

In complete route to Monterey

"The king has raised an army and is marching to meet us in here, in Subartu.  I told you that our failure in Nubia may have unpleasant consequences.  He has sent by messenger these demands: that your Ashsharittu be decimated, Fluffy, that the Hupshu sold into slavery  to offset the expense of the expedition, and ourselves turned over for the usual forms of royal entertainment."

The wind snapped the pennants outside the Turtanu's pavilion.  He looked up from the tablet at his commanders and waited for their reaction.

Fluffy frowned.  "Couldn't we throw ourselves on the king's mercy?"

Marduk blinked in amazement.  "Tiglathpileser?  Fluffy, if mercy were laughter, this king wouldn't have enough for a smile."

Fluffy persisted. "What about if we disappeared for a while until the King cooled off.  I know a guy who runs a tavern in Karatepe who could always use some seasonal help."

Baladin, cracked his knuckles and finally spoke.  "I say we fight."

Fluffy sighed. "Just how good is Tiglath, anyway.  I mean in  battle.  He hasn't led an army in years."

Shaking his head, Marduk replied, "Fluffy, you amaze me.  He's Tiglathpileser I.  As in 'numero uno'.  He didn't become king by swilling wine and ogling dancing girls."

Fluffy shrugged and sighed.  "OK.  I'm in."

Marduk nodded.  "Good.  Then here's the plan.  We meet his army here, in the Gate of the Winds.  He'll come from the east and must pass around those two steep, elliptical hills lying on either side of the battlefield's central sector.  Baladin, you deploy your chariots on the left wing placing every light troop you have in ambush on the leftmost hill.  Fluffy, place your blademen on the right wing and hide your lights on the rightmost hill.  I'll deploy in the center and split my Hupshu auxiliaries and skirmishers between the two hills.  When the King's army begins to advance, we'll move our exposed commands forward until their flanks are anchored on the hills.  If it looks like the King is flank marching a command, we'll attach with whichever wing is unopposed.

Don't forget that our army is a match for the King's.  As long as we hold those hills, we're impregnable.  Maybe we can convince the King that we know how to fight.  If not, we'll show him that we know how to die."

     [First round matchups for the Monterey Spring Blades
     tournament was determined by period.  Since Kevin Donovan was
     also running the Middle Assyrians, with a similar list and
     only a few years apart from mine, a civil war with KD was my
     first game.]

Shortly after noon, the host of Tiglathpileser I appeared and deployed immediately.  His army was arrayed with the Ashsharittu blademen in the center and combined chariot-auxilia commands on the wings.  They attacked without preliminaries.  When they reached the center of the battlefield, at the base of the steep hills, the King's army halted.  The Sun of All Peoples glanced at them, pointed his scepter at the crescent shaped one on his left and
spoke three words: "Take that hill."

Up the King's minions swarmed, Iwo Jima fashion, with Fluffy's Hupshu and skirmishers contesting each rock and gully.  The royal troops were more numerous while the defenders had the slope advantage.  While battle ranged above the plain, Tiglathpileser order his main troops forward into attack position where they waited for the issue to be determined above them. On the defender's left, Baladin's troops stood facing an identical command, both
waiting for the command to make contact.

When the King's lights had gained a foothold on the hill, his chariots moved into contact against Fluffy's blademen.  As Fluffy's position on the hillside was rested from him by the King's forces, the pressure on his front was increased.

Likewise in the center, Tiglathpileser systematically pushed harder.  Soon, both sides were heavily engaged.  On the King's Ashsharittu, Marduk's charioteers fell heavily and more than one of the royal blademen made the trip home on his shield.  Tiglath's advance was halted here momentarily.

Eventually, Fluffy's positions on the hill were cleared by Tiglath's men and his left flank was in the air.  As Fluffy
scrambled to improvise a defense, the King's chariots came forward again like a thunderclap.  Royal skirmishers streamed off the hill, harrying the defending blademen's rear.  Casualties began to pile up and with the losses sustained on the hill, Fluffy's command could hold no more.  As the blademen broke, they last saw their captain amid a swirl of the King's chariots, fighting against immense odds so his men could make their escape.  At least, that's how the old veterans told the story of their battle up north in Subartu at the Gate of the Winds.

     [With the right wing gone, Kevin intensified his assault on
     the middle command both from their front and right.  Shortly
     thereafter, it also broke, giving Kevin 10-0 after about 3.5
     hours.  This was a standup fight with equal armies.  Kevin had
     selected as his attack point the hill whose shape and size
     made it more difficult of the two to defend.  He had at that
     point a slight numerical superiority in light troops.  And,
     naturally, he played a flawless game, a claim that the author
     cannot make.]

Postscript:

Ropes cut into his feet and hands and Fluffy ached over his entire body.  He couldn't see although he heard voices around him.  His right eye, he could feel, was swollen shut.  Forcing his left eye to open, he could see blood crusted on his face and beard. Focusing farther out, he was able to see the carpet against which his check pressed.  Inside a tent, he guessed, with torches burning around the perimeter.  An arm's length farther, he could see a fly rubbing
its wings with its hind feet.  Unperturbed, it cleaned its wings as it squatted on a large red gem set into the upturned toe of a perfumed slipper.  In the torchlight, the ruby flashed blood-red.  Fluffy giggled at the absurdity of the vision.

From above him, a voice addressed him.  "Good. You live.  I ordered you taken alive though doing so has cost some of my best warriors.  My nobles told me that you fought like a lion. Imagine a lion named Fluffy.  I wanted you alive so that I could hear you scream as my men flayed you.  So, Fluffy the Lion, have you anything to say before I remove your pelt?"

Things were happening too fast for Fluffy; the fly; the perfumed slippers; the voice; the king.  THE KING!  The King was going to flay him!  Fluffy started to beg for mercy but in his muddled state, the words he croaked out were "Ruby slippers."

"Ruby slippers?", the voice demanded, "what about ruby slippers?"

SALVATION!  The thought crystallized Fluffy's shattered mind faster than a quart of cold beer.  If he couldn't appeal to the king's humanity, he'd play to his venality.  "Ruby slippers, sire.  That is, slippers made of wholly of rubies, rubies the size of ostrich eggs.  Diamonds, too.  And emeralds. Especially emeralds.  A whole city of emeralds.  That was the news that we were bringing back from Nubia, sire.  News of a land awash in precious gems.  A land ripe for the conquering and from which we could bring back to you river barges of jewels, priceless stones, trinkets, and other
gewgaws."

With not a little skepticism, the voice responded, "And just where is this land with ruby slippers and emerald cities?"

"Distant, sire, very distant.  Toward the rising sun, past Anshan and distant Khurasan.  In fact, even beyond the rainbow, in the land of Ghaz.  If you could see your way clear to spare my unworthy life and, of course, untie me, I could fill you in on the particulars..."

Better hope that next game provided better material,

 "Hey Duk, did you see this chariot out here.  The horses alone wear more baubles than a temple prostitute.  Has Tiglath sent one of his palace fops to keep an eye on us?"

Dropping the flap to the Turtanu's pavilion, Fluffy turned to confront a completely expressionless Marduk.

"Fluffy, this is the king's son, May-Shamash-Discourage-Him-From-Premature-Notions-of-Succession, whom our beloved monarch has sent to guide us to victory against the Ghaznavids."

Oiled curls danced about the nape of the boy's neck as he turned toward Fluffy.  "That is my palace name.  My companions call me Randee."

Looking like he had just eaten the contents of a camel's stomach, Fluffy performed the obeisance he felt adequate for a royal fifteen year old and said "Our arms can only be victorious.  May I ask how many campaigns your Luminance has conducted?"

"This will be my first and I am SO excited!  Where do we start?"

The Turtanu cleared his throat meaningfully and commenced, "We begin with intelligence about the enemy, which is what May-Assur-Grant-Him-Discretion-of-Speech was just now bringing, for that is Fluffy's camp name."

     [In the second round of the Monterey tournament, my Assyrians
     were matched against Wade Foote's Ghaznavids]

To Marduk's left, Baladin was turning purple with suppressed laughter.  Stepping heavily on the latter's foot as he took a seat, Fluffy began, "The Ghaznavids have standard Pakey army: heavy cav is their main punch backed a strong arm of excellent light horse.  They have a few elephants..."

"Oh elephants!  This is SO exciting."

Fluffy paused for the royal enthusiasm to subside.  "...a few elephants, some bits of this and that: bow and spear.  They form for battle just north of the narrow river which runs south of us.  We have more room to deploy since the river jogs southward about mid-field.  The road we arrived on runs directly from our camp to the left edge of their army.  A side road branches south mid field, crossing the river via a bridge.  There appears to be no Ghazy activity south of the river."

The Turtanu nodded for him to continue.  "On our left is a huge elliptical hill running east-west extending almost to the center of the field.  Only the NE corner is hidden from us:not a major ambush threat but it should be scouted.  Beyond that, in the Ghazy's deployment zone, are some small hills on which they've anchored their left flank."

When Fluffy had finished, Marduk addressed the prince.  "Now we make our preparations.  With your majesty's guidance, of course."

Turning to his generals, he said, "The field is open between the river and the hill.  We need speed on the right to protect that flank and lights on the left to deal with the terrain.  Baladin, take the left and send your auxilia over the hill behind a line of skirmishers.  I'll deploy my corps on the right, marching my Hupshu along the river.  If the river is deep, they will support my chariots, if shallow, protect against the light horse that are sure to threaten there.  Fluffy, that leaves you with the center.  Your Ashsharittu blademen should be able to handle the Ghazy cav until help arrives.  'Din, just to make it interesting, hide some of your chariots behind that hill when you deploy, let the Ghazies think that there's a gap between you command and Fluffy's.  Just don't wait too long to bring them out.  Fluffy, use your mounted scouts to keep the Ghazies back while Baladin's troops finish their maneuvers.  We'll meet in the center after you have deployed."

The Ghaznavids arrayed their main command on their right, up against the small hills, with some bowmen on the innermost hill, then the elephants with the Sultan Mahmud and the Palace Ghulams (Cv(S)).  Behind this in a tight block was the second command, a mixture of more Ghulams, some armored infantry (RSp(I) with supporting skirmishers.  On the left wing with a slight gap in between it and the main command, deployed the third Ghaznavid
command, exclusively of Ghulams and Ghazy light horse (LH(S)). Assyrian 'Boys on Asses' were sent forward, the lights began their trek over the hill, and Marduk tested the river: it was satisfactorily deep.

The enemy responded warily, sending out a single squad of light horse and shuffling around some troops [Wade's pip dice were anemic throughout the game.].

"He seems to be waiting for us to attack", the Turtanu mused, surveying the Ghazy formation.

Baladin laughed.  "Of course he is.  We're Assyrians.  That's what we do."

Worrying his beard with his palm, Fluffy added, "Be a shame to disappoint him."

"Done.  As soon as we get the scouts out of the way, we go in.  'Din, keep those tuskers away from your horses."

"Oh, this is SO exciting."

The Assyrians dressed their line from hill to river and began to roll forward, blades in the center and chariots on the wings.  Hupshu with archer support formed a reserve in the center and along the river.  Slowly the Ghaznavids moved from their deployment line while shifting heavy cavalry from the reserve command to their center to fill out the line.  The mobile scout unit was pulled back and sent across the river to harass the Assyrian flank.  Marduk's Boys-on-Asses pursued.  With Assyrian light horse to his rear and archer supported auxilia covering the chariot's river flank, the Ghazy horseman hovered there indecisively for the rest of the battle.

The armies met in the center, with the Ghaznavids light horse refusing the far left and the elephants trying to redeploy away from Baladin's lights on the right.  Supported by chariots on either side, Fluffy's blades were in an even pushing match with the Ghazy cav.  On the Assyrian right, Marduk's chariots pressured the Ghaznavid flank.  On the left, the Hupshu were beginning to come down off the hill, going for the tuskers.  Seeing the danger to his
elephants, the Sultan moved his spearmen up to hold back the Hupshu and continued to shift the Pachyderms to their left.

While thus distracted, the Assyrian chariots hit his light horse force on the flank, killing enough to break that command.  While his left wing fled to the rear, the Sultan's right had disintegrated into a series of brawls.  Neither the Ghazy spear nor the elephants were very maneuverable and most of the decisions went to the Assyrians.  After 3.75 hours, a decision 10-0 was achieved.

Fluffy's first tournament win.  Ever.

Oh, it was SO exciting.

Randee got ride home on an elephant (Oh, he was SO excited) and a victory stele erected with his name on it.  Tiglath used the barge loads of booty looted from the Sultan's palace to begin construction on a new palace.  And Fluffy and his colleagues received a royal pardon and a week's furlough.

Looking forward to the fabled Nineveh nightlife.

     [I the fourth round at Monterey my Assyrians found
     themselves defending(!) against Ray Latham's handsomely
     painted Early Mycenaeans. As a nod to those who prefer
     their battle reports without the dressing, this time I save
     the hijinks for the post game wrap-up.]

Terrain was butt-simple: three gentle hills.  One on the Assyrian right just behind the deployment line.  Another smaller
hill in a similar position in the left sector.  Just behind the Greek's deployment line and dead center was a large kidney shaped hill.  Nada mas.

I wanted to put Fluffy's Ashsharittu blademen on Ray's pikes which, I assumed, he would plant on the hill in the center.  So, I deployed the Bd(F) there with the Hupshu auxilia on their right (but near the hill) to give the appearance of a broader front.  I placed the Cnc's chariots on their left and behind the small hill in that sector, placed that command's auxilia in ambush.  To introduce some uncertainty into Ray's life, I placed Baladin's entire command in ambush behind the rightmost hill.

Ray's deployment undid most of this effort.   He placed his Cnc in the center of the hill, flanked by a half-dozen bowmen on either side.  On either side of each of these, he placed a file of four Kn(F), a flexible formation which would allow the knights to move forward and form a line screening their boss and his bow.  Liberally sprinkled around the formation were the ubiquitous Greek skirmishers.

On either wing, Ray placed balanced commands of 5 triple ranked Pk(X), Pk(I), and supporting Ps(O).  On either end were the SGs and another four Kn(F) chariots.

Ray opened the ball by sending a lone psilos (the Mycenaean's have no other scouts) trudging across the open battlefield to check out the hill.  Marduk's army licked its chops and proceeded to roll three 1s.   So they sat on their collective butts and watched the lone Mycenaean psilos move across the entire field, diagonally, to the crest of the hill and "discover" Baladin's entire chariot corps lurking behind it.  So much for worrying Ray.

But my next bound was better and Baladin's chariots pounced, grinding the trusty scout (moment of silence) beneath their wheels.  In the next bound, they charged hell-bent-for-leather at the foot-wide gap between the end of the Greek line and the table edge.  The Mycenaean's responded by shifting their left wing chariots further left and moving half of the Cnc's chariots over from the central hill to support them.  Now outnumbered, Baladin's charge came to an abrupt halt (skid marks are still on the table), and he waited for Fluffy's blademen to come up in support.

In the center, the Mycenaean Cnc waited in the relative safety of the hill waiting for developments.  Opposite him, Fluffy's blades wheeled slightly and headed forward towards the pike phalanx on the Greek left.  At center left, Marduk's chariots moved forward to protect Fluffy's flank.

While the Assyrians attacked on his left, the Greek commander moved aggressively on the right, throwing his chariots forward in a reconnaissance-in-force drive for the small hill and stepping out the right wing pikes in support.  As the Greek chariots neared the hill, Marduk realized that his Hupshu were in danger so he split his ambush troops, sending some over the crest to stall the Greek advance and putting the remainder in file for extraction.  Even with archer support and an uphill advantage, the Assyrian Hupshu started dying when the Greek
chariots arrived.  Marduk moved his light horse element over to stall the Greek advance and give the remaining auxilia time to withdraw.

At this point, the Greek line was staggered in echelon, chariots foremost on the right, then the pikes, stalled by some Assyrian chariots, then more Greek chariots and it was against the latter that the Assyrians moved.  Seeing his knights in danger, the Mycenaean Cnc heroically moved forward to assist.  Seeing the Greek Cnc off his hill the Assyrians opportunistically moved forward and piled on.  Four bowman and the Greek Cnc were gone in short order, but not before Ray had the chance to realize a pikeman's dream of killing one of my Cv(S) chariots with a ver 2.0 flankjob.  With the loss of their commander, Greek C3 went south.

Back on the Assyrian right, Fluffy's veterans pushed out of the way the psiloi the Greek's threw in front of the pike and
finally met the latter.  While Baladin's chariots covered their flank and stared down their Greek counterparts, the blademen set to work and in a couple of bounds, had broken the Greek's left wing.  Shortly thereafter, Marduk's chariots finished off the Cnc's command and the game ended with a 10-0 victory for the Assyrians.

Meanwhile, in the defender's encampment:

"Come in Baladin.  This is a reporter from the Fertile Crescent Courier who's writing up our victory at arms."

Turning back to the correspondent, the Turtanu continued "So we took it one game at a time.  We focused.  We stuck to our game plan, committing very few errors.  All the men executed well and everyone gave 110%.  The guys really deserved this win."

Looking at Marduk's subgeneral, the reporter imposed "Mr Baladin, your contingent barely got into this battle, am I
correct?"

Surprised, the subgeneral responded, "Well, we performed a feint, which drew the Greek chariots from the center, making it possible for Fluffy's blademen to get into contact with the phalanx.  Then we supported his flank.  We're an army and work together as a team."

"But wasn't it a bit cowardly of you to just stand there while your chums did all the fighting?"

A dark look came over Baladin's face and he seized the reporter by the arm. "Forgive me for not making myself clear.  There are no cowards in the Assyrian Third Corps..."

Fluffy strolled into the Turtanu's pavilion, blood dripping from the dagger in his right hand.

"Fluffy!  Mind the carpet!"

"Sorry Duk.  What's 'Din doing with that fella?"  pointing to the reporter suspended, feet kicking, from the end of his
colleagues arm.

"I'm explaining the critical role my Shashepe played in our victory to this pinhead."

"Your trouble, 'Din, is that you don't have the proper respect for the press."   said Fluffy, cleaning his dagger on the
reporter's tunic.  "I've just come from interrogating an old fella with a lyre we found lurking around the Greek baggage."

"Ha!" interrupted the reporter, still dangling.  "Atrocities!  I've heard reports of this sort of thing."

"Just following up on a rumor about a wooden siege tower shaped like a horse.  One of the prisoners said the old guy would know all about it but he insisted that there was no horse and it was simply a 'literary convention'.  Insisted on it  right up to the end.  Funny old geezer.  Had an odd name: Hammer? Hummer? Humor?  Something."

"Homer?" suggested the report, now released and rubbing his arm.

"Ya!  That's it. Homer.  Stupid, huh."

"You killed Homer!?" cried the horrified reporter, "You murdered the Father of Western Literature?!"

"He didn't say anything about being married.  Besides, he was as blind as a bat.  Couldn't have been much of a provider."

Apoplectic, the reporter raged, "You people are animals, barbarians..."

Marduk motioned for the sentry to remove the excited correspondent.

"...beasts, inhuman, scum of the..."

As the cries died in the distance, Fluffy turned to the Turtanu.  "Whaddaye do?"

After reflecting for a moment, Marduk replied "I believe that you've saved generations of students the agony of memorizing bits of something called 'The Assyriad'."

   [Round four at Monterey: Tiglath Pileser sent his army east, over the Karakorum, via the Spice Road to the land
     of the rising sun to test Rick Motko's Early Samurai.  This is the last of the series.  Promise.]

The sentry pulled back the tent flap to admit Baladin, smiling broadly.  Shuffling along behind him came Fluffy, looking like a week-old corpse.  As he brushed past, he snatched off the sentry's helmet, lowered himself gently on the nearest cushion, and cradled the helmet between his knees.

Marduk cocked an inquiring eyebrow at Baladin.

"Last night, by himself, Fluffy flattened an entire skin of the rice wine these Japanese devils make."  Baladin's grin
stretched almost to the angry red scar which commemorated his missing ear. "At the moment, he's enjoying its afterglow."

Fluffy stared silently, fixedly into the mouth of the helmet as though it brimmed with oracular significance.  Then into
it, he became loudly sick.  The sentry looked on in disgust, having replaced its felt liner only yesterday.

Marduk shook his head.  "That was Fluffy last night, keeping the entire camp awake singing love poetry?"  And after Baladin nodded, "Who's Stella?"

"Not who.  What.  Stella's a piebald mare, the left wheeler on his chariot team.  Fluffy's been fond of her ever since she extracted him from that ambush by Hotsheepsnot's troops in the delta.  We've never fully appreciated the depth of ol' Fluff's feelings."   Har - Har - Har...THWACK!

Marduk winced as the blow fell on Fluffy's back and felt its impact through the ground at his feet.  Hunched over the rapidly filling helmet, Fluffy's mind registered the pat as a burst of white agony through a constant haze of pain.  As it subsided, he reflected that, sometime when he was feeling alittle better, it might be fun to bludgeon Baladin senseless with a blunt rock.

The Turtanu rose.  "OK.  Enough fun.  Let's earn our pay.  Gimme the terrain."

Baladin drew back a rug and began drawing in the dirt with his dagger.

"We face east here with a vineyard just in front of our lines a little right of center.  On our left (north), there are a
series of sand dunes separated by narrow gaps which together form a large wedge.  Its apex points at the left end of our line and its base occupies the northern third of the enemy's deployment zone.  These protect the Samurai's right flank while their left flank is anchored on a small village located at the south edge of the field.  Scouts report that this army has no skirmishers and fields a lot of conscripts, poorly trained and lightly armed.  The main threat will be from the warriors, highly skilled bowmen and swordsmen, some of whom are mounted."

After studying the drawing for a moment, Marduk said to Baladin, "Deploy your chariots to our left on this side of the
dunes and support the center command.  Clear the dunes with a line of skirmishers and support them closely with a column of Hupshu auxilia.  If they find no enemy, push on through and form them up to threaten the samurai rear.  My Shashepe chariots will be the right wing, forming a line south of the vineyard. In it I'll place my light troops.  Fluffy, your blademen will form our center.  With archer support, they should be able to handle anything the samurai have, mounted or on foot.  Don't advance beyond the end of the vineyard without my support.  Do you hear me?"

Fluffy nodded weakly, his head bowed and eyes shut.  "Ya, I hear ya.  Ya don't gotta shout."

Marduk laid a paternal hand on Fluffy's shoulder.  "If you think you feel bad, Fluffy, consider all the gamers with Early
Samurai armies.  When Barker and Scott finish unstringing their Bow-Ess, they'll be about as intimidating as school crossing guards.

    Rick deployed his large main command on his left adjacent to the BUA: a double rank of Bw(S) backed by
    Bd(F). In the center command were 8 Cv(O) forming a box sheltering a block of Ax(X).  On the right, beside
    the dunes was an identical command.  As deployed, his army was well protected by the terrain but Rick wasn't
    a  sitter and he came out immediately looking for a fight.

Baladin pushed his lights out into the dunes and kept them moving forward.  Fluffy stood before his Ashharittu
veterans, pointed a finger over his shoulder toward the enemy ranks and, in a soft voice, said, "Take no prisoners."  After a moment, he added "And don't make any noise."  Gripping his charioteer's shoulder as he slowly mounted his battle car, he whispered "No bumps or I'll cut your heart out through your feet."

On the Assyrian right, Marduk's command moved forward and about 150 paces from the eastern (inner) edge of the vineyard, stopped and dressed its line.  Eager for battle, the samurai rolled west, past the village and up to the end of the vineyard.  Their center and right followed in echelon, the right wing stopping when further movement would mean losing the protection of the dune.   The main command had two problems.  The first he solved by bringing out of the BUA his Ax(X) to protect the bowmen's flank in the dead zone by the table's edge.  His second was that half his main line was obstructed by the vineyard and could move forward only in column.

I solved this problem for him by throwing at his intact line, kamikaze fashion, all the elements of Marduk's command.  The result: very high losses among the Assyrian lights although the Cv(S) stood up surprisingly well.

Fluffy tried to relieve the pressure on the Assyrian right by attacking in the center.  The samurai decided to remain mounted against the Assyrian Bd(F) and formed up two commands to Fluffy's one.  Fluffy's blades ground forward and for every cav element dispatched, another moved up to replace it.  The seam between the Assyrian center and right became a gap which Fluffy tried to fill with his Hupshu reserves.  On the left, the Assyrian lights filtered through the dunes unmolested and were forming up for an attack on the samurai rear.

Back on the right, the slaughter was epic.  Numbers determined the outcome as Marduk's hard pressed legion finally broke (BP=7) after taking out several elements of samurai bow and all of the auxilia (10 elements).  The samurai released the impetuous fast blades to mop up the last vestiges of resistance in the vineyard.

In the gap between Fluffy and Marduk's command, a melee swirled as both sides attempted to attack flanks.  When Fluffy maneuvered into the gap, the air was split by samurai general signalling his troops: BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM...

Grabbing his temples and turning to his charioteer, Fluffy pointed, "take me over to that little guy with the lacquered hat and the big drum.  I gonna kill him."  Calling for support, his charioteer lashed the horses forward.  Fluffy and the samurai general met in the center of the gap.  Blows were exchanged and Fluffy recoiled.  Finding himself surrounded, the samurai commander chose the way of the warrior, turned toward Fluffy and charged.  Again they fought but this time, samurai steel bowed to Assyrian hangover.  Joining five other destroyed elements, the general's loss demoraized his command.

Fluffy's legions were grinding forward.  Baladin's men were poised to strike.  The samurai center was broken and the main command, down 10 elements, was running after Marduk's slowly retreating chariots.  In front of Fluffy's unstoppable blademen was the samurai right wing, two elements from breaking.  Just as Fluffy was starting to feel a little bit better...time was called with the score at 3 to 7 after 4 bloody hours.

What my mother never taught me about DBM;
1)   Never, ever throw psiloi and auxilia at Bw(S) when they have a perfectly good vineyard in which to sit.

2)   Bd(F) with archer support are an extremely versatile troop type.

Thank you all for your patience.

                           Credits

Samurai general (1st tourney)      Rick Motko-san
Special assistant to Fluffy        Stella Eekwayna
Samurai ethno-musicologist         Kevin Donovan
Catering                           Banzai Sake Garden
Getta grip                         Steve O'Brien

Baladin shook his head is disgust.  "By the Anunnaki, more hills! I recall fondly how flat the earth was in version 1.3."  The Assyrian High Command surveyed the African countryside where the Peoni had chosen to give them battle.

     [My nephew was trying out his newly painted Later Carthagenian
     army in a 400AP against the Middle Assyrians, who invaded, of
     course.]

At their backs, the rising sun reddened two gentle, brushy hills to their left which stretched along the centerline toward the field center.  To their right, the blue sea curved in toward their camp. At an angle from it stood a village, also extending toward the middle.  Behind it, another hill lay perpendicular to the axis of the field, forming with the village a gauntlet where an entire army could hide.  The terrain formed a giant maw, open in the center but no wider than 1000 paces.  Opposite this gap and directly before their camp waited the Poeni army: a wide phalanx of spearmen supported by skirmishers.  Hard to the right of these was a column of cavalry and some light horse.  Isolated 600 paces to the left of the main formation, they could see the Carthagenian right wing: a small group of Spanish scutarii (Ax(S)) and some light horse.

Fluffy snorted.  "Even an Egyptian could see that half the army is in hiding.  A command trying to force that gap would find Poeni on their flanks thicker than fleas on a Hittite.  What about a flank march?"

Marduk smiled wickedly.  "What about Tiglath's old trick: an on- board flank march?"

Baladin and Fluffy exchanged looks.  Marduk explained, "My command deploys in the center, chariots facing the gap and auxilia in double column aligned with the foot of the inner hill.  Fluffy, deploy your veterans in line behind my chariots.  Put your Hupshu off to the right to screen the BUA.  Din, you corps will form the left wing, with your auxilia screening the hills to the left and your chariots ready to respond to threats on either flank.  I will drive deep and fast through the gap and to the left, angling behind the hills toward that small command there.  Once in, we'll form in line facing the spearmen's flank.  Fluffy, send out a mounted scout to sniff out ambushes and keep their phalanx busy.  Then bring your fast blademen up as quickly as you can behind me, filling the Maw. My hupshu auxilia will cover your left flank and move up to occupy the seam between my line and yours.  Whichever way their phalanx turns, one of us will hit its flank."

Fluffy eyed their leader.  "Kinda risky, isn't it, Turtanu?  What if you're isolated and we can't get through to you?"

Marduk shrugged.  "We're in Assur's hands."  Then he smiled. "Besides.  We're Assyrians.  If we can cut our way in, we can cut our way out.  Get your men ready."

And Assur spread his hands over his children, giving Marduk's chariots a 6-roll on the opening bound.  The Peoni were awed by the rooster tail of dust thrown up by the Assyrian column.  Confronted with a wall of Marduk's battle cars, the Peoni right wing scrambled to safety, light horse moving out to screen the spear's flank and ambushers tumbling down out of the hills.  In the center, the Carthagenian spear command threw out skirmishers, and the cavalry command moved forward.  At the same time, a second column of cavalry erupted from the BUA, heading for the Assyrian camp. Control problems slowed this threat so that Fluffy's auxilia with Baladin's chariots easily contained it.

While the Peoni right wing tried to distract the Assyrian chariots, the Carthagenian spear phalanx split in half, part wheeling to face the chariots and the other moving forward to meet the oncoming blades.  While the Poeni spearmen were still several marches away, Fluffy's veterans charged hard, meeting the advancing cavalry column in the Maw .  There, Carthagenian horsemen began to die.  On the left, the light infantry and horsemen were no match for the heavy Assyrian battle cars.  Before help could descend from the hills and just as their spearmen arrived, the Peoni right wing crumbled, losing its general in the slaughter.  On the same bound, the Carthagenian commander was cut down by Fluffy's veterans.  The Carthagenian's losses were high and when their leader fell, the
army fled.  Victory was total and the carnage was Assyrianesque.

That evening, in the victor's camp:

"Duk, it's not what you think.  She's just a helpless, aged widow.  Reminds me of my mother.  She'll never survive the trip back to Assur in the captive train.  I want to take her with me purely for humanitarian reasons."

Baladin waived his wine cup at a slave to be filled.  "How come Fluffy always gets the girl?"

Fluffy pulled a face at his colleague and said,  "Women are attracted to me because I'm a sensitive and caring individual." poking his finger at Baladin broad chest for emphasis, "You, on the other hand, are as ugly as a bucketful of nostrils."

Behind him, a husky voice said "Well, there you are, you naughty boy.  I've been looking all over for you."

Their three heads swiveled as one toward the pavilion's entrance where stood a raven-haired Peoni woman, her large eyes dark with kohl, her pouted lips heavily crimsoned.   The folds of her diaphanous gown were artfully arranged to grant access to more than cooling desert breezes.  Her navel flattened the cloth where the soft curve of her belly pressed against the fabric.  In the tent, even the dust motes held their breath.  Finally, Baladin rasped,
"Someday, Fluff, I want to meet your mother."

She moved toward Fluffy slowly, like a cat, while six of the Turtanu's ever-vigilant guards scrutinized her retreating back. Fluffy, a weak smile on his face, addressed Marduk. "This is Ouwawee, whose name, I'm told, is Phoenician for 'The Hot Breath of Ishtar'.  I have been consoling her for the loss of her husband. She's quite distraught."  He saw the doubt on their faces.  "I did this solely improve our image in the international community."

Baladin stared in amazement.  "Our image?  The Assyrian army's image?

Noticing Baladin for the first time, the woman froze.  In two steps she was in front of him.  Bending, she set her hand on his shaven, bronzed head and ran it gently, slowly over his shining red scar. The tinkling of her bracelets was the only sound.  "Ah, my Assyrian panther.  How you must have suffered.  What is your name."

His eyes fixed on the gaping front of her gown, Baladin replied, "I'm Elamite actually.  I only fight for the Assyrians.  They threatened to cut off more than my ear if I didn't."

Alarmed, she took his face in her hands.  "They didn't did they? I mean, cut off more than your ear?"

"My only other loss has been tonsorial.  As for my name," shooting Fluffy a glance, "my friends call me Bucketful."

"Ah my Buck, we have much in common.  We have both suffered great loss: you, your ear, me, my husband, Nozdribbal.  Perhaps there is somewhere we could go to share our grief.  Alone."

Baladin was on his feet, leading her out the pavilion. "My tent is close by.  I had it erected in a sheltered wadi so that I could contemplate Assyria's public image undistracted by the screams of the impaled.  We may grief-share there uninterrupted."

Fluffy stood gazing at the tent entrance long after the couple had disappeared.  Marduk said, "Take a cushion, Fluffy, and have some wine.  Your bereft widow will be well cared for.  Our image in the international community will undoubtedly soar. And best of all, we have a victory to celebrate."

Be advised that:

Fluffy couldn't believe his ears. He was met on his return from scouting the enemy's camp by the shrill trilling of a palace bard. There, beside the Assyrian command's campfire, swayed a bangled singer wailing in the annoying vibrato popular back in Tiglath's court.

     Son of Assur's Shining Daughter,
     You lead our armies from the van,
     Lion of battle, Lord of the slaughter
     O Mighty Marduk, you're the Man

At the last strophe, Baladin collapsed onto all fours in a coughing fit that threatened to shake loose vital organs.  A gesture from Marduk stopped the singer as the Turtanu looked down at his sub- commander in alarm.

Fluffy stepped into the circle of firelight, clasped his hands together against his cheek, cast his gaze heavenward and in a mincing falsetto, drowned out Baladin's gasping with,

     Oh Godlike Marduk, grant me a boon, Sir.
     Give me that fawning, bag of gas.
     I'd like to take this unctuous crooner.
     and plunge a stake right up his...

"OK, OK. I get the idea."  A glaring Marduk continued,  "But Tiglath has decreed that our glorious victory be immortalized in song. This warbler is with us for the campaign. Get used to him." A shake of the Turtanu's head dismissed the poet, who, bowing low, scuttled off backward, his eyes never leaving Fluffy.

"Astarte's Apples, Duk, be careful!  You know it's bad luck to talk about victory just before a fight."  Fluffy helped the still wheezing Baladin to his feet.

"Which brings us to the point. What did you find out about the Malays?"

     [I hosted Kevin Donovan's new Malay army for a 400AP test
     against my Middle Assyrians. This was my first game against
     Kevin where I actually felt that I had the better army.
     Against his warbands and elephants, I had scads of psiloi-back
     auxilia, with plenty of Bd(F) and Cv(S) to handle the flanks.
     I thought Kevin was toast. Got that?  Kevin D. Toast. No. I
     hadn't been experimenting in the medicine cabinet.]

"Very little. It's darker than a money lender's heart out there and the mist is thicker than a Hittite's skull. The gentle hill we're on now is the dead center of our deployment zone. Just west of here, on the Malay side of the field is a huge, trackless wood. South of that, is the Malay camp. Beyond, in the plain's southwest sector, is a large, gentle hill holding a couple of small huts: call it a village. I heard elephants trumpeting and lots of men.
And they're not settling in for the night. They're on the move."

Marduk frowned. "No time to lose. We can't move before dawn but we can prepare for a night attack. Get the men into battle formation. I'll deploy on the right wing, facing the plain north of the woods. Bal, set your men up in the center, anchoring your left flank on this hill. Angle your line to the left. Something will come from
that gap south of the woods. The large hill beyond it must hide still more. Fluffy, march your command around the right and hit the Malay left on their flank while I hold their front.

"At dawn, Fluffy and I will crush their left wing while Bal covers our flank. Then we'll swing south and finish the job. Put your Hupshu (Ax(O)) on the battleline: they're death to elephants."

"Holy harlots, Duk, this mist gives me the willies. Are you sure this flank march is a good idea?"

Marduk cocked an eyebrow. "When you become the Lion of Battle and the Lord of Slaughter, you can call the shots."

Fluffy persisted, "What if my corps can't find its way in the dark?"

"Then you can explain to Tiglath what happened to his expensive poet."

     [Kevin's deployment was the mirror image of mine: two warband
     cum tusker commands deployed center and (his) right with his
     ally flank marching to my left. Being a misty 4AM favored his
     army by allowing his elephants to travel with his nocturnally
     unimpetuous warbands extra-pip-free. Naturally, this was part
     of his plan. He ran two large Wb commands supplemented with a
     few tuskers each and lots of psiloi. A third, ally command
     comprised of elephants and fast blades plus filler flank
     marched.]

Night Attack!"

     [I was toast.]

Baladin and Marduk dispatched skirmishers to be their eyes and ears in the night. They kept their men in line and listened nervously to the Malay army move in the darkness.

Baladin had not heard from the Turtanu for an hour. His men grew increasingly nervous as the sounds in the night grew louder. At least the mist was starting to lift. Where was Fluffy?

     [Rosy-fingered dawn burnt off the mist and found Kevin's
     forces all the way across the table. His central command had
     wheeled  parallel to the Assyrian left. His right wing had
     closed on an empty deployment area. Not that this really
     mattered, since his army was 80% impetuous. As was the ally
     flank march which chose that moment to arrive. All Kevin need
     do was to loose these guys and they would turn like a
     lodestone to the Assyrian's left flank.]

At last, Baladin's runner found Marduk's command post. Help was on the way. From his position on the hill, he could make out the dark line of savage Malay warriors closing on his men. The Malay left flank looked vulnerable, covered only by some elephants and light horse. Baladin sent out some chariots to probe there. To his left were two screaming legions of warriors and elephants queued up in a wide, ragged column longer than a dull opera, aimed for his weak flank. He dispatched some more chariots to hold them off for as long as possible. Where was Fluffy?

Marduk personally led a rank of his Hupshu to Baladin's rescue, double timing toward the center of the field and sending ahead some chariots to apply pressure to the Malay flank. From the clamor ahead, he knew that Baladin's corps was heavily engaged with what must be the entire Malay army. Where was Fluffy?

To best reflect the dawn's faint light, Fluffy held up his chart of Malaysia, purchased at great expense from the information kiosk at the border. Squinting, he was finally able to recognize the swaying-hipped, melon-breasted image of Lakshmi staring at him. Damn!  Wrong parchment!  Not that it mattered. The sounds of battle told him where he must lead his veteran ashsharitu. They double-timed out of the darkness to find an empty field before them: empty, that is, except for a single squad of Malaysian horsemen that tormented them like a mosquito as they headed southeast, toward the battle.

Baladin's nobles were forced back under the weight of the Malays. Gradually, the Malay host reached and began consuming the end of the Assyrian line. Behind the Malay lines, trumpeting elephants were rushing to reinforce their crumbling left flank. There, tuskers and Malayan lights perished in the Assyrian attack. Desperate, the Malay king ordered his subgeneral into the gap to stabilize the situation but he too was cut down. No matter: his men fought on, oblivious to his loss. With casualties mounting, Baladin could hold his corps no longer. Before the fury of the Malay assault, they broke and fled.

     [Almost five hours into the contest, the Assyrians were down
     a command and slowly reforming the other two perperndicular to
     their original deployment. Meanwhile, Kevin's Malay army was
     one screaming mob of elephants, warbands and blades swirling
     in glob about the size of a family pizza.  They were headed
     more or less over the hill and through demoralized Assyrians
     to the Assyrian baggage. Things looked grim for the Boys from
     Baghdad. Fortunately, the dinner bell rang at that very moment
     and we called the fight: Malays 6:4.]

I apologize for the unusual length of this report but it's really two reports in one: Jean-Pierre's and mine.  Moreover, with other armies to break in, I am giving Fluffy an extended furlough and by extension, your tired eyes a break.

NB: with apologies to Monty Python ....

"Romans?!" Fluffy's voice shook. "Invading Assyria?! Is this a joke? Rome's only a fly-speck midden festering on the Tiber."

"In our time, true.  But at the time of Marius, Rome is a HUGE midden festering on the Tiber.  It's population is enormous and their legions are legion.  Large enough to have their own website." As always, Baladin was convulsed by his own humor.

     [Jean-Pierre Riviere hosted this 400 AP/ver 2.1 meeting of my
     Middle Assyrians with his Marian Romans at his Paris
     apartment.]

[The Roman view:]

Indeed, it was Romans. For Romans were a delicate people, they entertained themselves at making all kind of new stuff to create surprise and awe among their friends and relatives. And being a material people too, they were doing most of this business in the culinary art, where Roman food is bound to be famed forever as the most delicate food ever done on Earth by and for mortals.

At this moment, their commander in chief has imagined to make a giant meal of rosten bears. Noone never had done such a thing before. But to get bears, which are very expenive animals, you need quite a lot of money! So that wise man devised to invade and loot a rich country. And since roasting bears requires as many stakes as you have bears, it made its choice onto ancient Assyria, renowned for its extensive use of of stakes. And when his subordinates told him these were not so easy a target one could longer for, he just replied them in a very arrogant, very Roman fashion: "Roasting bears bears nothing at stake!".

Fluffy gestured at the two men who approached and took their place before the seated Marduk, smirking and nudging each other with the cockiness characteristic of recent graduates of Top Bow, the King's chariot warfare school. Ideograms on one's helmet proclaimed him to be the 'Cool Dude'.  His pierced nose held the latest chariot
warrior fashion, the fletched end of an arrow shaft. His charioteer wore a leopard skin casually over his shoulder and his helmet sat back-to-front on his head.

Marduk cocked an eyebrow and said, "You scouted the enemy force?"

Dude pointed to his charioteer and said, "You got that right, pops. We got right up to their camp ditch after Zippo-Man here outran their cavalry vedettes."  Mention of Zippo-Man's feat triggered a prolonged series of daps, behind-the-back hand slaps and exaggerated pelvic thrusts.

While the two warriors celebrated their exploit, Baladin grabbed the spear from Marduk's guard, flipped it around butt foremost and swung it staff-like against the backs of the two men's legs, knocking them to their knees in the dirt before the Turtanu.  Tossing the spear back to the sentry, he stepped behind the kneeling men, grabbed a head in each hand and slammed them together with a force that sent their helmets spinning.  For good measure, he reached around and tore the shaft from the Dude's septum, leaving in its place a dangling piece of flesh from which blood slowly began to drip.

Strolling back to his place beside the Trutanu, Baladin commented, "Sorry for interrupting fellas but there's a tiny protocol matter that wants airing."  With the Dude's former nose-piece, he pointed at Marduk.  "This man is the beloved Tiglath's godlike presence in our midst.  Failure to show him the proper respect can cause torture and even death."

On cue, Fluffy stared into the middle distance and added, "I still recall the last one.  A messenger we flayed alive one evening.  For entertainment."   His eyes glazed at the fondness of the memory.

Impatient, Marduk barked, "Get on with your report."

Spraying red mist with each occlusive, Cool Dude rattled off, "it's a Marian Roman army deploying across the road in the pass just beyond the Onager's Foot they've located their camp and baggage against a steep hill which protects them from the south and by some roug going on the north there aren't a lot of mounted troops and they
have a lot of devices for shooting spears we found this out from some priests whom we caught and killed but not before making them tell us that the command general's name is Marcus Sodepus."

     [Jean-Pierre chose a hilly approach and his three hills landed
     in a line along the central edge of the left sectors.  The
     1.5FTE placed in the Assyrian deployment zone was a huge
     horse-shoe shaped monster.  I place minimal Rgo mostly with
     the intent of exacerbating his deployment]

"What else?"

"Their camp is fortified."

"Of course it's fortified!  They're Romans.  That's all you've got to report?"

The charioteer reached behind his back and pulled from his belt the silver statue, the figure of a woman.  "Well, there was this.  We took it from one of the priests."

Fluffy grabbed the image and examined it.  Then he kissed it and lifted his arms skyward.  "O Assur! You care well for your children!" To Marduk he explained, "This is the image of Fortuna, the Latin goddess of luck.  Propitiate her and the battle is ours."

Baladin stirred.  "We have some Hittite prisoners we were going to use for target practice.  We could sacrifice them."

Fluffy shook his head.  "I said propitiate, not give her heartburn."

"How about a couple of charioteers?" Marduk suggested and when he pointed his perfumed beard at the men kneeling before him, Cool Dude lost control of his bladder.

"Better, I think, to sacrifice those who flout the goddess.  Haven't we men in the stockade who were caught gaming with loaded dice?  Offer them to Fortuna."

Marduk nodded.  "Let it be done.  Now, if that settles the religious issues, let's focus on the martial.  The Romans are
strong but few and will fight in the narrow pass.  Bal, form your corps on the left wing, anchoring your flank on the Onager. Deploying your Hupshu (Ax(O)) on the lower slopes.  Form your chariots to extend my line, which will deploy in the center. My Hupshu will be in reserve.  Fluffy, you take the right wing. Place your Ashsharrittu at the far end of the line in case the Romans try to force that flank with their cavalry.

"This should be a straight-up fight; our chariot warriors against their legionnaires.  They have pilums but we have more arrows and in time, we should wear them down.  Get your people ready."

[The Roman view:]

Marcus Sodepus looked upon the battlefield. He was not too sure of the plan to elect. This is why he puts his camp in the middle of it, against a nice little steep hill. On his left was a huge plain, plainly fitting for the cavalry, but unsage for auxilia, while on his right was a land just the opposite. Given the nature of the army he had to face, he was in either way giving battle by conceding the advantage to the enemy...

But since all this campaign was undertaken for his own glory, he finally elected to make it manly, on the lowlands. First hand, it might surprised the enemy. Second, it would not hinder the artillery shooting, and if he has not too many chariooteer, they would be done. The usaual setup was to make a line of artillery and blades and put it forward. But looking at the road, an idea came to Marcus'mind: "Let's use it to quickly go into range. And after that, bring the men in steel to their help and begin the onslaught. By putting pressure quickly in the middle and with our reserve of cavalry and auxilia, we should be able to delay and counter any action from the flank, while getting the upper hand in one or another portion of the fighting line, where all the legionaries would be on the my side. Let's hope they put many people on our right, for if this is, we won't use the road, but press our right, and if that don't make it, wait here in a terrain which is favorable to us."

Over the next few bounds, the Assyrians dressed their lines and prepared for battle while the Romans pushed forward aggressively. Just before Baladin's Hupshu were in position to attack the Roman right, Sodepus' artillery found the range of the massed Assyrian chariots.  Marduk ordered the charge and an unbroken line of chariots swept forward.

As their charge began, the Bolt Shooters released their first volley their darts finding and tearing apart one of the Turtanu's chariot units.  'So much for the goddess of luck' thought Marduk thought as he scrambled to fill the gap in his line.  But the Roman's second attempt was less successful and soon the two armies were in contact.

[The Roman view:]

And not in the extended line the Romans had hope for, for their messengers had been poor [lack of PIP while Assyrians had much more than average every turn] and some stupid misplacement at the beginning of the battle had caused havoc in the plan; and the road trick was finally found to be counterproductive in that the extension of the line completely anihilate the speed gain, and was never completely achieved before the Assyrian assault. In fact, the Roman line were multiples, because of all those little bits of sand that added, made a receipe for disaster. But not everything was that bad, even if bringing the reserve to the flank, threatened before the Roman blow began, prooved to be too long a task...

At that moment, a bowl brimming with the blood of the loaded-dicers was poured at the feet of the goddess' statue as their faithless hearts blackened in the crackling, sacrificial flames.  Then, Fortuna smiled on the Children of Assur.  Roll after roll went to the Assyrians and gap upon gap opened in the Roman center. As Baladin's Hupshu applied pressure to the Roman right, the Roman proconsul reacted coolly, filling the gaps with his reserves and
stepping up pressure on the Assyrian right, were Fluffy was delaying contact (Assyrian B(F) v Roman B(O)).

[The Roman view:]

At that moment, Marcus Sodepus told his servant. They think they wil fight, but they won't! For I have with me an old celtic druid who has the power to send into oblivion anybody who is not able to answer to three questions. Here it is! "Is that so?" asked the servant?
"It's me who ask question! What is yur name?" replied the old man.
"Petrus Deporus" answered the slave.
"And what is you quest?"
"I have no quest but to fulfill the wishes of my master."
"And what is your prefered colour?"
"Blue! Or red... I don't know... Or maybep purp...." But the poor chap could not finish its phrase as its incorrect answers had him sent into oblivion in a puff of blue smoke by the cleric!
"It's really an astonishing power" said Marcus. "Now, teleport yourself in front of their commander in chief and do alike, but for Jupiter's sake, ask him a really difficult question! I do not pay you in gold to ask him but answerable a third question!" "Don't be afraid, I have one one never answered me!" And he vanished at
once.

And He immediatly appears inside the very chariot of Marduk, who was left alone as all his companions fled in horror. But being as dumb an Assyrian can be, Marduk had stayed, though really impressed by the appearance! But he could not ask a question that immediatly the old man in white began to speak:
"Dh an t'ainma th'oirbh?"
"Is mise Marduk!" answered the chief
Realizing that he knows Gaelic quite well, the old man was really well impressed, and gently asked his usual sencond question:
"And what is your quest?"
"To seek and destroy any Romans in the land of my King Tiglath Pileser I."
Such an unpolite way of accomodating guest was really hurting the irish druid and he did not hesitate to ask its most unanwerable questions of all it had:
"And what is the capital of ancient Assyria?"
"Nineveh!"
Now the druid was really surprised! How could he have answered that one? But he could not wonder for long for, now deeply irritated, Marduk seized his dagger and stabbed him in the stomach, then cut his throat. "Now boys
would you come back aboard, lest I remember that Goddess Fortuna might want more blood to be merry with us!"

Seeing from far away that the trick did nothing, Marcus Sodepus vowed to invade Gaul in reprisals! But first hand, the battle had to be won...

First, the Roman ballista were destroyed and then the legionnaires defending them.  Before long, the Roman right caved in and fled toward their camp.  Roman reserves struggled manfully to hold back the irresistible Assyrian chariots.  Even the Roman generals were thrown into the beleaguered line.  On the far right, Fluffy held back
his Ashsharritu, screening them with archers.  It was here that the second and only other Assyrian loss occurred: a psiloi element succumbed to a frontal and flank attack by Roman blades.

[The Roman view:]

The roman abandonned their right, knowing their bagage relativley safe, at least until the battle be lost elsewhere for them, or won. So they now concentrate on their left, but the skirmishers delayed them in a very effective manner, and the roman messngers were not as quick as should have been and thei center was crumbling. Sodepus tried a counter attack, but his reserve of light horse and auxilia and his own bodyguard were not really a good match to the Assyrians chariots, and they were not successfull and they lost more men, while the roman pressure was just beginning to apply.

Remarks:

In this game, I felt the rules worked exactly as the authors intended.  The attacker's steep hills contained the main battle in the center and right sectors while lights skirmished in the dead sector to the left.  Jean-Pierre was the first person that I've played who effectively used a central road to facilitate his attack.  Without a lot of room to maneuver, both armies met in the middle and there the issue was decided.

I was concerned at the effect massed artillery would have on the Assyrian chariots and pushed them forward as fast as possible as they were within shooting range.  But the bolt shooters fired too slowly to break up a determined charge.

Experience had shown me that the Cv(S) chariots would gradually overcome ordinary blades.  Still, Jean-Pierre's strong reserves told me that breaking his line would not be easy.  This was a situation where the dice not only assisted but accelerated the process.

Jean-Pierre maintained his sang-froid throughout and not a single 'merde' was heard from his side of the table.  In addition to being a great sportsman, he is a perfect host, providing the Assyrian victors with a cherry tart and drinks after the contest.  My thanks to Jean-Pierre and his spunky Romans for a great game and another highlight to my Paris visit.
 

[Jean-Pierre's view:]
 

(Actually I did shoot some of them or similar! My pet die subject of high treason!!! Only recently has he found the good way back, as I showed him I really wanted to keep faith into him. I don't know if I would support another so long betrayal period though!)

lessons for the Romans:
- - don't use road for a line of Art and don't use it for a colum of Art if your target are facing you.

- - don't fight Cv(S) in the open with anything but longer contiguous line. Wait for them were you are if coming forward can give you but problems with no real advantage (it was the case here, but I didn't want to fight cowardly and would have hoped for a more decent bunch of luck; but as kevin said, it is just that I put myself into trouble by not having this line (several mistakes made it)

- - keep advancing you mounted while you bring your foot forward; this may indicate to make use of LH as scotching unit first hand. This should be examined upon real battles to come (If I remember to do it)

- - I should not have deployed my Ps in column but in line, as was my usual tactic (if Steve had a jet lag handicap, I had myseld a problem of being tired from a flu which did not help me -- maybe my dice only help me when I am in good health? :-), because this way i would have been able to drive away his delaying psiloi, and had a passage for my cavalry which i was unable to get into action in all the game because of them

- - do not anchor a flank when you know you will press forward. It's lost troops for the actual fight (I did lose 2 Ax(O) and a few Ps(O) in that anchoring, which would have been really better accompanying my line of Art.

- - Fluffy is a coward, he always lurked in the back, as all the Assyrians chieftains. They are not real men. Real men fight with a scutum and a pilum and a gladius! Ha! :-D

Still awaiting publication ... Nigel Tallis' "101 more things to do with a stake"