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A pdf copy of the play can be downloaded for reading purposes only. Please do not distribute or perform without my authority. I trust you. DOWNLOAD
Introduction:
The play could be described as an absurdist farce. The third in the Hippalector series, it is closer to reality (unreality) than the previous two plays. Cast required is two females, two males and one of either sex. The play was first produced by Ann Elliot Smith for Wellington Repertory Theatre in 1997 .
ROD: Mid thirties in a business suit.
DIANNE: Married to Rod. A housewife. She is wearing an expensive frock but is not comfortable with it.
BRADLEY: Mid thirties, casually dressed. A poet and house husband. Wears a humorous T-shirt.
AMY: Married to Bradley. Dressed as a businesswoman.
WALDO: A theatre ghost. Dressed in quite a bizarre fashion.
The affluent lounge of Rod and Dianne. Settee, chairs and coffee table. Finger things on the coffee table. It has just been tidied up.
ROD, a business executive, and his wife DIANNE invite AMY, the personal assistant to a cabinet minister and her husband BRADLEY, a poet and house-husband, for cocktails. WALDO, a theatre ghost, (sitting atop a stepladder in the original production) often interrupts the action to talk to the audience. The Russet Hippalector is in the library eating the Encyclopedia Britannia and crowing whenever there is a hint of sexual impropriety. It transpires that each person (except Waldo) has had, or is having, a relationship with each other person and it is finally revealed that the quintessential relationships are the gay ones. There is an enigmatic ending. .
RODNEY ALONE IN THE LOUNGE WITH A CELL-PHONE.
ROD: Yes CJ... Yes CJ... I understand... I'm to call the minister's secretary and make an appointment to discuss an easement... sorry I've been buying a house... it's one of the terms they use... Yes CJ, I'm to call the minister's secretary and make an appointment to discuss an easing of the conditions concerning our mining operation on the Coromandel... Yes, I've got that... put it in my diary?... yes CJ. (TAKES OUT A SMALL DIARY AND MAKES AN ENTRY.) I've done it... Tonight...? I've got Amy Griffiths over, and her husband, cocktails and supper... she's close to the Minister of Agriculture, the one I've been talking to about our hippalector farm... Yes of course we've got a hippalector, it's in the library now. Seems to love The Encyclopedia Britannica, it's started on the As... No it doesn't read it CJ, it eats it... Colour? Russet... You think green is better? I'll get it exchanged tomorrow. (HANGS UP. THE ROOSTER CROWS.)
DIANNE: (ENTERS) Are you going to tuck the children in?
ROD: Do we have children?
DIANNE: Of course we do.
ROD: I'll make a note. Now you mention it all budding executives should have a wife and children.
DIANNE: Of course they should dear.
ROD: Children shouldn't be cosseted too much. They need to learn independence, like I had to when I was a child.
DIANNE: Of course they do, but they like their father to tell them a story.
ROD: A story?
DIANNE: A bedtime story.
ROD: Oh, a bedtime story. Our guests will be here any minute.
DIANNE: I'll see to them. Tell them one of your stories, they like that.
ROD: Yes. I'll tell them about Steve the Sharebroker.
DIANNE: Craig said he wanted a story about dragons and knights in shining armour.
ROD: Craig, yes I remember. Good business head that boy. Knows the importance of hippalectors to the economy.
DIANNE: Ah yes, hippalectors, in the other world, the world of imagination, the business world.
ROD: Imagination? Hardly important in the business world.
DIANNE: What about creative accounting then?
ROD: That's different. That's just cooking the books. You don't need imagination to do that.
DIANNE: Just tell him a story.
ROD: All right I'll tell him about Dannie the Dragon sitting on his hoard of gold, and how he took it to the bank and got a good rate of interest.
DIANNE: That is very imaginative dear.
ROD GOES. DIANNE FUSSES AROUND THE ROOM FOR A MOMENT. THE DOORBELL RINGS. SHE ADMITS AMY AND BRADLEY.
AMY: We're not late? (GIVING DIANNE A PECK)
DIANNE: Not at all.
AMY: I had the devil's own job getting him into his tuxedo.
BRADLEY: Like it? (OPENS HIS WIND JACKET TO REVEAL T SHIRT)
DIANNE: Very nice. (GIVES HIM A PECK - THIS IS ALL VERY A LA MODE.) Rod is just saying goodnight to the children.
BRADLEY: Children? Children? I seem to have heard that word before.
AMY: We have some of our own dear.
BRADLEY: Of course we do.
DIANNE: Let me take your coats. (SHE TAKES THEIR COATS AND GOES OFF.)
BRADLEY: (LOOKING AT W MODERN WORK OF 'ART' ON THE WALL.) Very nice, yes very nice. Picture of a piece of stilton cheese. So realistic I can almost smell it.
AMY: It's modern art.
BRADLEY: Oh yes, modern art. Art of the moderns. We are all a bit modern aren't we, all a little avaunt garde. Trouble is we drink tea.
AMY: Quiet, they'll hear you.
BRADLEY: Do you want some rabbit food? (THERE IS RAW CAULIFLOWER, BROCCOLI, CARROTS, CELERY FOR DIPPING IN THE DIP.)
AMY: Not just now thank you.
BRADLEY PUTS CARROTS IN HIS NOSTRILS.
You'll have to eat them.
BRADLEY EATS THE GOOD END OF THE CARROT, THROWS THE SNOTTY BITS IN THE
RUBBISH.