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A pdf copy of the play can be downloaded for reading purposes only. Please do not distribute or perform without my authority. I trust you. DOWNLOAD
This could be described as an absurdist farce. It represents the author's conception of a play in it's early stages, before the characters develop and take over. Cast is one female and three males although the stage manager could be female. The play has not been performed but has been greeted with acclaim at readings.
HER: A female who becomes Amy.
AUTHOR: Zygmunti Stary.
HIM: A male who becomes Roderick Q. Arkensas
FRED: The stage manager (who also plays the part of DAME EDNA.) Could be female (FREDA).
There should be a writers desk and quill or typewriter or computer. The actors will need something to sit on from time to time and perhaps you could use something outstanding and brightly coloured. There may (or may not) be quirky irrelevant items on stage. Fred's 'set' can be any old junk lying around the theatre.
The author has conversations with his characters (initially called HER and HIM) as they develop from nebulous personalities into real people throughout the play. They eventually become AMY and RODERICK and it seems they are married to other people and are about to have an affair. The author also has conflict with the stage manager who cannot achieve the author's sudden 'inspirations' (including the entrance of the Russet Hippalector - a mythical beast). Eventually the cast and (imaginary) Hippalector conspire to take over the play and destroy the author. .
THE RUSSET HIPPALECTOR (ACT 1 - SCENE 1)
HER: What are you doing?
AUTHOR: Writing a play.
HER: What about?
AUTHOR: I don't know yet.
HER: You don't know?
AUTHOR: No.
HER: That's a bit strange isn't it?
AUTHOR: What?
HER: Writing a play you don't know anything about.
AUTHOR: I don't know.
HER: Well what have you written then?
AUTHOR: (READS) "HER: What are you doing? AUTHOR: Writing a play. HER: What about? AUTHOR: I don't know yet. HER: You don't know? AUTHOR: No. HER: That's a bit strange isn't it? AUTHOR: What? HER: Writing a play you don't know anything about. AUTHOR: I don't know. HER: Well what have you written then?" [THE DIRECTOR MAY WISH TO TRIM THESE LINES A LITTLE]
HER: That's the conversation we just had.
AUTHOR: Naturally.
HER: But you haven't been writing while we've been talking.
AUTHOR: No.
HER: Well how did you know the conversation we were about to have?
AUTHOR: I'm writing the play.
HER: I see.
AUTHOR: Anything can happen.
HER: Well I find this rather boring. In fact I'm rather bored.
AUTHOR: Well you're not going to be much of a character for my play if you're going to be bored.
HER: That's your problem not mine.
AUTHOR: If only you weren't so drab.
HER: Well it was your idea to dress me in this grey tracksuit.
AUTHOR: Goes with your personality.
HER: I like that.
AUTHOR: Come on now, you're supposed to be uninteresting.
HER: What's the point in having uninteresting characters?
AUTHOR: It allows me to shine.
HER: You're the author, not a character.
AUTHOR: Authors can be characters if they want to. In fact most authors exist in the plays they write.
HER: Well I want to be a stronger character than you.
AUTHOR: Talk about arrogance. How am I going to control you?
HER: The fact is you can't, I'm out of control.
AUTHOR: Take off that tracksuit.
HER: Oh we're having a bit of gratuitous nudity are we? That'll wow them at the box office.
AUTHOR: You have another costume under that track suit. Take it off.
HER: As you say sir.
SHE REMOVES HER TRACK SUIT TO REVEAL A COSTUME WHICH IS IN THE VERY BEST OF BAD TASTE.
AUTHOR: Very becoming.